Series Title: Taking Time Title Part 1: Ungrateful Author: RunRunGuyDib Fandom: Askewniverse (Clerks) Pairing: Dante/Randal (although nothing really happens to really fulfill that right now) Rating: R (for language, natch) Summary: Dante and Randal bicker it out . . . and come to the conclusion that both of them are pretty damned stupid. Archive: Uhm, sure, though I dunno if it's good enough to deserve anyone to archive. If you want it, contact me. (Or if there are any suggestions on where to put it, please contact me. :p) Email: RunRunGuyDib Series/Sequel: Yes, it's a series. 3 planned (thus far). Spoilers: Mentions things from Clerks, yup. Web Page: http://somethingpro.tripod.com Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me. Well, the girl Jane Martin does, but she's only mentioned, but she IS mine . . . MINE!!! 'Coz she's a hottie. Anyway, anything Askewniverse related belongs to Kevin Smith, View Askew, etc. I am not making any money offa this, and that's about all. Author's note: I do not like this. I do not like the second part. And when I get the third part written, I probably won't like that either. It's my first slash fanfic *ever* and this is actually a very hypocritical thing of me to be doing. (Not that I'm homophobic or anything . . . I'm just usually very against slash stories. :p) But I hope this is remotely enjoyable. >_> (Even though I am probably a tad OOC and using clich?s, but cut me slack, it's my first time. Virgin slasher. XD) And I wish I could find somewhere to show off my regular fanfics and fanart and fancomics et al. ^^;; ~*~*~*~*~*~ "Dante?" an unusually meek voice uttered as the store door dinged open. The convenience store clerk didn't say anything. The door shut. "You still mad at me?" Randal shuffled in, stiff and hands to his side; no wrangling in that morning. "Get the fuck out of my sight," Dante answered almost casually, briefly glancing at Randal with stone cold eyes. He returned to his magazine that he truly couldn't focus on at that moment. "I've apologized enough times, Dante, don't make me do it anymore." "Boo-fucking-hoo for you." "Look, I had to do that! You don't understand!" The magazine made a crinkling noise as Dante's hands tightened on it. "Fuck you, Randal. I need both my hands now to count how many relationships or prospective relationships of mine you have ruined! It's like you live to do nothing but hurt me and my life!" "But . . ." "Don't try to charm your way out of this one, Randal! You're the perfect example of the expression, 'Who needs enemies when you've got a friend like MINE'." The magazine was crumpled more in his twisting hands. "I don't think you were ever a friend. An enemy that was nice once in awhile, a false lull." Randal pursed his lips, his shoulders raising. "When something seems fine between us--when I feel safe, you go and somehow rip another stinking, throbbing CHUNK from my heart!" He finally peered up from the ripping magazine to glare at the blond. "Why don't you just kill me now, huh? Or do you want to tell another girlfriend I'm a fucking homo, or . . . or just chase her off with your idiotic prattling about pop culture and fucking movies you get off to, for we all know that women just LOVE to hear about woman bondage and sadism!" Randal's face was turning interesting, furious shades of white and red. "I do that stuff for your own good, Dante. Or what I THOUGHT was helping you out at the time, like Veronica for instance." "Oh, yeah, thanks for not only getting her to dump me, but thanks for also talking about my homoerotic tendencies with her! Jesus Christ, Randal! If you truly were a friend, truly wanted to HELP me, you would TALK with me about it, NOT destroy any chance of happiness WHILE shitting on my reputation! Why ME, Randal?! Why did you pick ME out of all the other hapless sons of bitches to stick on like a fucking tick?! Why--" "FUCK YOU, DANTE!" Randal screamed, interrupting his rant. Now he was drawn and ashen, his fists white from clenching. Dante regarded him with start at the loud outburst. "Yeah, sure, I HATE you so much! So much that I stay at your side for near twenty years! I took classes with you, I found us two jobs so we could work near each other--sure, I can see how I fucking hate you!" He breathed in, and quit the sarcasm . "Although you don't like half the things I do, we've had fun no matter what! With hockey and what have you . . . WAS that just torturous to you, Dante? Yeah, I'm difficult, and I like causing trouble. Fuck yeah, I enjoy it a lot, actually. That's my nature. Like YOU and your habitual bitchy pansy whining!" Dante flinched and nearly tore the magazine down the middle. "I only listened to you . . . I may not have always seemed like I was, hell, sometimes I didn't!, but fuck you if you thought I didn't CARE! But damn your wishy washiness! One moment you say you despise something, so I try to help out, but as soon as I do you decide the opposite--so then it's all my fault! You wanted Caitlin, NOT Veronica, so I thought I'd help, but then you wanted her back again, and *I* had destroyed it all for you! Holy fucking leaping Christ! I didn't even LIKE Caitlin! I THREATENED her, for Christ's sake, if she were to break your heart again." "You THREATENED her?!" he repeated in shock. "Fuck, yes, I DID. Any time YOU hurt, I do, too. This's what usually happens: You're pretty damned sheltered, Dante. I know so much shit about people, about girls, around here that you wouldn't dream of by looking at them. So once in awhile I like to save you some PAIN by . . . scaring them off. I apologize for that, I guess, for hurting our angering you, but I don't regret it! Remember Lisa Calvacci?" "Yeah . . ." "Lisa Calvacci was truly BRUNO Calvacci! You ever knew that?" Dante dropped the magazine. "No . . ." "Yeah, well, *I* did, so I scared her . . . him, whatever, off for you so you wouldn't find out while going down for some pussy and discovering a cock." Dante couldn't think of anything to say. "Yeah, bitch, and I've done you other such favors. Such as last night, which you happened to catch me in the act of doing. I was saving you from Jane Martin. She's a fucking hot gal, so I don't blame you for being ecstatic for having plans to go out with her, but dammit, she dries a man's resources up like THAT." He snapped. "Once they have no more to give her--no more gifts or money- -she breaks their hearts and moves on." "Seriously?" "Seriously. She sucked one of my cousins dry like that, then she went off and fucked a woman as if it were nothing. Didn't help his manhood any. I didn't want to see poor little you becoming even MORE poor 'coz of her." He paused and rubbed his brow, breathing deeply in and out. "Yeah . . . I can see how you think I despise you." His shoulders hunched, relaxing with sudden depression. Turning slightly away, he muttered, "Fuck myself, then, I suppose. . . . Maybe you're right, I should have told you ahead of time of all this shit about girls." He sighed. "I'm sorry." Randal jumped, though, when he felt a pair of arms circle around his torso and someone press up behind them, their forehead resting between his shoulder blades. "Me, too . . ." "You, too, what?" Randal tried to spit out spitefully, but it came out in a soft voice. "I'm sorry, too. We're both stupid. Me for not . . . well, I dunno, but I'm sorry anyway. But basically we're both fucking stupid." He lifted his head and said in Randal's ear, "Agreed?" "Very agreed," Randal grumbled. "But still, fuck you for thinking I don't love you." "Aww," Dante cooed jokingly, tightening his hold. "You love me?" "Of course I do, dipwad," Randal replied, smiling. "Platonic?" "Of course, platonic!" he snorted. A silence fell, a building comfortable one. They continued standing there, Dante hugging Randal from behind, Randal's hands lightly resting on Dante's. "Could you ever love me more than that?" Dante ventured to ask in a quiet tone. "Why? You WANT me to?" he answered lowly, an amused smile on his face. "Just morbid curiosity, I suppose." "I dunno, that's a damned awful question to be asked by your best friend!" "That's no answer." "Heh!" He rolled his eyes. "I dunno . . . I suppose I could. I do so much for you, I might as well get some good fucking in return, huh?" "Sure, sounds fair," he chuckled. "How about you?" Pause. "Wow . . . that is a weird question to be asked," Dante laughed nervously. "Uhm, I'd have to say yes, or else risk sounding more like an ungrateful bitch!" Randal turned his head, to somewhat peer at his friend. "That's very good to know, Dante, very good!" He pulled Dante's arms tighter around him, sighing. "Very good." The end.