Title: A Stranger Destiny: Wedding Interlude Author: Taylor Jameson Fandom: Kevin Smith XO Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob Rating: NC-17 *G* Summary: The wedding (and Honeymoon!) of the boys. *G* Archive: With the others Email: taylorjameson@yahoo.com Series/Sequel: The interlude between Part 3 and Part 4 of the "A Stranger Destiny" series Web Page: http://www.angelfire.com/az2/taylorjameson Disclaimer: I could only hope to own characters this awesome...thanks KS! The song is "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie. Warnings: Schmoop, Schmoop, a little smut and then more Schmoop. *G* Notes: Well folks, this train is nearing its end...but don't jump off just yet! There's still a little more to go. *G* This takes place about a month after part 3. Date: 9/9/2000 Jay fretted nervously as he tied and retied his bow tie in the mirror. "Fuck man, I'm never going to get this!" He whined in frustration. Rufus came up behind the blonde and tied the bow for him. "There ya go...almost ready?" He looked to the clock, "Five minutes." "I think I'm going to puke..." Jay slouched onto a small white loveseat. "Well, I told you it was a bad idea to eat fudgesicles and guacamole!" the apostle shook his head and helped Jay to his feet. "But it was so fuckin good!" Jay whimpered, picking at a box of chocolates. "Look, I know I haven't said anything before...but you know now that you're pregnant you should really lay off the pot." Jay sighed, "I haven't fuckin touched the shit since you impregnated me. And for your information I haven't been drinking or smoking cigs either!" "Oh," Rufus nodded, "That would explain why you're so edgy..." Jay finished off the three chocolates that weren't coconut, "Have you checked on Silent Bob, how's he doing?" "He's probably getting ready like you are!" Rufus peeked out the door and saw the huge crowd gathered in the church, "Wow...talk about a full house." "We invited everyone..." Jay sighed, "Is there any more candy?" "You don't need any more candy...I don't want you throwing up out there." Rufus straightened out Jay's black tux, then handed him the card, "Here's the vows you wrote." Jay smiled, "Thanks man...I was wondering where I left those." "Ready?" Rufus smiled, then readied Jay to walk down the aisle. * * * * * Bob threw up, then came out of the bathroom pale and trembling. Serendipity took the large man in a hug, then straightened out his white tux, "You look great...don't be so nervous!" Bob looked out the door and saw the huge crowd of people. "Shit...everyone's here!" Serendipity looked out around Bob, "Wow...did you invite all of New Jersey?" Bob sighed, then picked up the card he'd written his vows on. "I just can't believe I'm getting *married*! To *Jay* none the less." "It's time." the muse saddled up and led the trembling man out the door and stood him next to Jay so they could walk up the aisle together. Jay looked to his lover and smiled, then they locked arms and stepped in time to the wedding march as they had rehearsed. Metatron smiled from behind the podium as the duo approached, then began. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." Jay and Bob listened, gazing at each other, as Metatron spoke. "We've written our own vows." Jay smiled. Then, he read his own words. "Silent Bob, since we were in diapers you've always been there for me. Every stupid thing I did, every time we got in trouble, you were always there to bail us out. Even though I treated you like shit and called you names...you understood that it was my way of hiding." He could feel the tears welling up as he continued, "You always will be my confidante, my safety net, my lover...and my best friend. You are the rock that keeps me from floating down the stream of irrationality. I always have loved you, and always will." A single tear slid down his cheek as he looked at his already sappy faced man. "Jay, even after all the times you hurt me with the names and words...I knew that it was just that-words. The true you shines through in actions that know no bounds. Every time you clung to me like a child, shed a tear in a hopeless moment, and looked to me when times were tough. I loved you through it all. I was always silent because I never knew how to say the words...never knew when to say them. Now I can tell you, in front of every one that has ever known any facade either of us has gone through...Jay, I love you with all my heart and soul. You are my only true friend, my favorite lover and one of the sanest things in this insane world. You are truly my life mate." "The rings." Metatron smiled at the pair, the words touching him more deeply than he had expected. Jay produced the thick gold band he'd purchased for Bob, then slid it on Bob's left ring finger as he repeated Metatron's words. Bob smiled brightly, his own tears starting to glisten in his deep eyes as he produced a thin gold band and repeated the action. "By the power vested in me by God all mighty, I now pronounce you married." Metatron grinned like a child, "Go on, kiss!" Jay smirked and looked out at the crowd of friends...every one he'd known...some people he didn't. Banky and Holden were there, holding hands...Randal and Dante the same. T.S. and Brodie had brought their respective steadies. Bob pulled Jay's face back to his, then they met in a deep, passionate kiss. Jay lifted one leg up as the crowd began to clap and cheer. Cameras were going off like crazy. Bob smirked as they pulled away, then walked down the aisle being pelted with rice as they got into the limo and were whisked away to the jet Rufus had requisitioned. "That was beautiful." Randal let a tear slip, then wiped it away. "Weird..." Dante nodded, then met Randal's tear stained gaze. "Hey, don't get any ideas...I don't do weddings..." Banky grinned, "Now that is how you do a wedding..." He tossed the remainder of his rice at Holden. "Yeah, it was...a wedding. Who would have thought...those two..." Holden shook his head. "Oh come, people say the same thing about us." Banky smirked as they entered the mass of people that were leaving. "No they don't...every one knew about you...they questioned me." Holden shrugged, "We've practically married since we were 18!" T.S. shrugged as the ladies got ahead of the guys so they could get in line for the ladies room. "That was pretty strange..." Brodie shook his head, "Nah, not as strange as when Bruce Banner..." "No comics today." T.S. sighed, "Lets just get home." "Sure, suit yourself." Brodie was distracted. * * * * * Bob kicked open the door as he carried Jay over the threshold of their hotel room in Hawaii. Then, with a mighty heave, he let Jay fall to the bed. Jay giggled as Bob threw himself down beside him. Then, he turned to his lover and they kissed again as they had a million times since they left the chapel. "I love you Snoogans..." Bob smirked and pushed off his suspenders...the suit jackets had been lost somewhere between the airport and the hotel. "Wait!" Jay smiled, standing up. "Let me slip into something a little more comfortable." Bob laughed as Jay sprinted off to the bathroom with a small over night bag. "Don't take too long!" "Oh, I won't." Jay let out a small tittering laugh. Moments later, he threw open the bathroom door and leaned against the frame. He was wearing a small white lace teddy complete with white pantyhose and bright red lipstick. His hair was thrown around like a trashy porn star. "Sexy!" Bob whistled from the bed, sliding out of his clothing as Jay slunk around the hotel room. "I thought you might like it." Jay licked his lips, raising his voice to a falsetto. Then, he ran his hands over his chest and pulled down the teddy, letting the breast-oranges fall out. Bob laughed gently, then shook his head as Jay hit play on the CD player and the soft sounds of David Bowie poured out. Jay lip-synced the words, moving in a sultry fashion he'd obviously picked up from watching too many strippers perform. "I've nothing much to offer There's nothing much to take I'm an absolute beginner And I'm absolutely sane As long as we're together The rest can go to hell I absolutely love you But we're absolute beginners With eyes completely open But nervous all the same" Jay licked his lips and began to grind his pelvis into an invisible pole, then returned to the almost sedate, but certainly titillating dancing. "If our love song Could fly over mountains Could laugh at the ocean Just like the films There's no reason To feel all the hard times To lay down the hard lines It's absolutely true" Bob smiled, watching his lover, now husband, dancing. Then, he found himself lost in the rhythmic movements of Jay and the deep meaning of the song. "Nothing much could happen Nothing we can't shake Oh we're absolute beginners With nothing much at stake As long as you're still smiling There's nothing more I need I absolutely love you But we're absolute beginners But if my love is your love We're certain to succeed" Jay blew Bob a small kiss, then wiggled his way to the bed. He knelt as he finished the last verse. "If our love song Could fly over mountains Could sail over heartaches Just like the films There's no reason To feel all the hard times To lay down the hard lines It's absolutely true" Bob sighed lovingly, then pulled Jay up to the bed with him. He ran his hands over the pristine lace, touching each ribbon with a child's wonder. Jay cozened up to his man and found the warm cotton boxers with ease. Letting his fingers dip into the waistband, he placed kiss after harsh kiss on the other man's lips. Bob ran his hands over the scar on Jay's shoulder, then down to the already beginning belly. Pushing away the soft teddy, he ran his hands down to the white lace panties. * * * * * "It's so sweet." Serendipity smiled to Metatron, Rufus and God as they stood around the viewer watching the honeymoon proceedings. "10 bucks says Jay's estrogen levels set in and he ends up crying before they do it." Metatron smirked. "No tricks?" Rufus raised an eyebrow. "Boys..." God pointed to the viewer. "See, God would never let that happen. They deserve a quiet night before the morning sickness starts." Serendipity smiled. "Man, that's gonna suck." Rufus shook his head; "Jay's bad enough as it is...I don't want to see him after a night of throwing up." Bethany entered the room, her flowing white robe trailing behind her, "What's on?" Serendipity looked to the woman, "Jay and Silent Bob...their honeymoon is in full swing." "Really, I don't think I missed much." Bethany nodded. "On the contrary." Metatron grinned, "Jay in a white lace teddy lip-synching David Bowie...very amusing." "How's the pregnancy going?" Bethany tried not to let the question hurt, but the thought was still a little painful. "Very well." God smiled. "The estrogen still hasn't hit the poor guy fully yet." Metatron frowned, "He's not going to like it when he's getting mood swings in a day or so." "And when he grows breasts." Serendipity added. "Well, you never know." Rufus laughed a little. "I think he'll be too busy with throwing up and crying to notice until they get...well, pretty big." "How's Bob taking things?" Bethany walked up to the viewer and watched as the pair lovingly caressed each other, speaking soft 'I love you' words. "He's very happy for the time being. But I'm sure Jay will make his life a living hell soon enough." Metatron answered. "It's good they have a guardian angel." Serendipity grinned, looking to Rufus. "Don't remind me." Rufus rolled his eyes. "I start tomorrow." * * * * * "Mine." Bob smiled, gently massaging Jay's cock as it slid out of the panties. Jay nimbly pushed himself up and positioned himself over Silent Bob, his long blonde hair falling over the man's large thighs as he pulled back the boxers with his teeth. Bob pushed aside the panties and took Jay's engorged member as he felt the warm mouth on his own. Sucking and groaning, they moved in a rhythm rarely seen. Each movement was perfectly timed and the beat of the music pushed them on. Jay arched his back and slammed his pelvis into Bob's face as he came, feeling the man's own sticky fluid flowing over his hand. Spent, he rolled off the larger man, then righted himself and slid into Bob. Bob rubbed his nose, then grabbed his boxers. "Damn it." He couldn't help but laugh as he sat up, tilting his head back and pressing the cotton to his face to stop the bleeding. "Shit man..." Jay sat up, swinging himself onto Bob's lap, "I'm sorry...are you okay?" "Ow...fuck." Bob pressed the shorts tighter around his nose. "Fuck, shit, I think I broke your nose..." Jay stood up, walking across the room, "Fuck, what am I gonna do?" "I'm fine." Bob leaned his head back as far as he could, "It's not broken...I don't think." * * * * * The voyeur group tried to remain serious, but before long they couldn't help it any more. Bethany was the first to break up, soon followed by Rufus and Serendipity. "Oh, be adults!" Metatron tried to hold back the laugh, then burst into a gale of laughter, "Oh my...he actually hit Bob so hard he gave 'im a bloody nose!" Trailing off into a series of giggles, Bethany eventually managed to regain her composure, "Is he all right?" "He'll be fine." Metatron was still grinning, "The bleeding's already stopped." * * * * * "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry!" Jay sank to his knees in tears, "I...I..." "I'm fine." Bob pulled off the bloody boxers, "See, it's not even bleeding that much now." Jay slowly stood, then wiped away a thin line of blood from Bob's mustache. "I didn't mean to..." Jay followed Bob as he made his way to the bathroom to wash his face. "I know, it happens." Bob splashed his face with warm water, combing it through his facial hair. "Just forget about it." Jay sighed, frowning, then made his way back to the room. He changed to CD to something a little more mellow, something Bob would enjoy-Barbara Striesand. Bob slow danced his way out to the main room, then smiled gently at Jay, "The estrogen must be kicking in." "What the fuck." Jay smiled, "I just wanted to please you." Jay sat in a low chair and put his feet up on the small round table. "I normally wouldn't listen to this shit...but if I'm going to be a woman..." Bob moved close to Jay and ran his hand over the smooth face, then placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Jay blushed, and then looked over the room service menu. "Hey, think we can get them to put salsa on scrambled eggs?" "Sure." Bob shrugged. "Yeah, get the phone. I want scrambled eggs with salsa and a *big* fudge sundae...with extra nuts and...and...peanut butter!" Jay grinned, "On the sundae...everyone knows you can't mix salsa and peanut butter." Bob nodded and picked up the phone, then dialed the number to order. ***** TBC *****