Title: Forever Friends?
Author: snow dome
Fandom: Chasing Amy
Pairing: none
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
E-mail address for feedback: shinysnowdome@yahoo.com.au
Series/Sequel: part 2 of the "To the Faithful Departed"
series (A
Conversation of Self Discovery was part 1)
Summary: Banky sees Holden again for the first time in ages.

====================================================================================

He showed up. My long term friend and the love of my life. I
wasn't
expecting him to show up. We hadn't even spoken to each other in
about a
year. Not after his proposal. Not after he kissed me. About six
months
before, I had a chat to Hooper. He helped me come to the
realisation that I
am, in fact, in love with Holden. It's also quite possible that
I'm just the
only person who didn't know it, either. Hell, Alyssa probably
even knew.

The comic convention was better this time, for two reasons.
Firstly, no one
could accuse me of being a tracer any more - I have my own line
of comics
now. At one stage I was thinking of writing "The Dyke From
Hell" but I
thought better of it. In the publishing sense anyway. I wrote it,
and made
one copy. I was keeping it in the event that possibly Holden
would get over
Alyssa, and he'd get a kick out of it. I wrote it when I was
feeling bitter
and depressed. Alyssa ditched him, but he ditched me. I imagine
that he was
somewhat uncomfortable with how his proposal turned out. Nothing
I could say
could convince him that I didn't really want to go through with
it. I think
it was partially because I didn't believe it myself.

He waved to me, and I smiled, then noticed him wander off
elsewhere. To find
Alyssa, was my guess. Of course, I had my hopes up that he'd
gotten over her
by now, but with his comic "Chasing Amy", that wasn't a
likely story. I saw
him leave, smiling at me one more time. I wanted to follow him,
but at that
moment was when a bunch of other people had decided to come to my
desk to
get their comics signed. When the crowd died down, and dispersed,
I decided
to pack up and take a lunch break before coming back.

I left through the entrance door and saw Holden sitting outside
on a
limestone plantery. You know - those big circular things with
trees or
plants inside. There were only green plants in this one - it was
too close
to the convention center to have a tree inside it, and I don't
think whoever
put it there wanted flowers in it because the conventions held
here are
still dominated mostly be males.

Holden hadn't seen me walk out yet. He was flipping through a
comic he
must've picked up somewhere. It may've been his, I wasn't sure. I
had to
contemplate what to do next - as he didn't know I was there, I
could've just
ignored him and walked down the road to the lunch bar I've been
eating at a
lot lately. Or I could've wandered up to him and tapped him on
the shoulder.
Neither happened, however. I just stood there, staring. Staring
until he
finally got bored with his comic and looked up. Looking around
for a moment
before pausing on me, making sure of eye contact. I tried not to
look away,
but I could feel myself blushing. He motioned his hand to come
over, so I
did, and sat down next to him.

I stared at him as he looked down at the ground, trying to find
the words he
was looking for, then spoke up.

"I was waiting here for you. I thought you might come out
soon for lunch."

"Good thinking," I commented, "you know me too
well."

"Bank, I know we haven't been the best of friends lately, and
I know I
could've called, even if only to let you know I was alive, but I
was afraid.
And I didn't know what I would say."

Holden was still looking at the ground. I tapped him on the back
for
comfort.

"I've seriously missed you," I stated, not thinking of
anything else to say.

It's awkward when friends have a moment like we'd had. There's so
many
complications that rise, and things just turn more uncomfortable
everytime
you see each other next.

He stopped looking at the floor, and looked over at me. "I
suppose you're
hungry. That is, after all, why you came out here, right?" I
nodded and he
continued," Well, let's go get something to eat and talk more
at the lunch
bar. I could go for a chicken sandwich myself."

I shrugged and thought I may as well have the same. When we
arrived about
thirty seconds later, I found us a booth in the corner while he
ordered for
us. For the last six months I've been waiting for a chance like
this, to see
Holden again, but during that time, I hadn't come up with one
witty or
clever thing to say to him. All I could think about was the kiss,
and how
I'd like to have another similar opportunity - one so that I
could kiss him
back.

When Holden came back, I noticed he'd changed his mind on the
chicken
sandwiches. As I'd told him to get me whatever he got himself, I
ended up
with some wedges and chilli sauce, plus a stuffed hamburger. I
stuck my foot
up on his side of the table - that being more comfortable than
leaving it on
the ground. I'd thought I just put it beside Holden, but with his
next
comment, I was obviously wrong.

"Trying to make me hard, are you?"

I didn't get what he was talking about at first - did I want him
to lift
weights? But then I realised that I placed my foot right in
between his
legs.

"Oops," I said with a blush, "I'll move it..."

And just as I'd tried to move it, Holden stopped me. Either he
hadn't had
sex in a while and he was lonely and wanted someone other than
himself to
satisfy him sexually for a change, or he actually wanted my foot
there. In
fact, he pulled it closer to himself. If I hadn't been wearing
shoes, I
swear I probably would've felt him getting harder by the second.
It was
making me feel somewhat uncomfortable.

Why would I be uncomfortable? I think part of it has to do with
that desire
to have the unattainable - the fact that Holden didn't seem so
unattainable
any more made me feel uncomfortable. Well, that, and something
else. Six
months without seeing your best friend and knowing you're in love
with him
can be hard on a person. Hooper ended up giving me some hands on
experience
during that time. Just in case I never had any chance with Holden
again, at
least I'd know what it would have been like - or at least
fractionally. Sex
with love is a lot more powerful than fucking - not that I've
experienced
it - and I just didn't love Hooper. Not in the same way as
Holden.

I tried not to think about Hooper and focussed on my food
instead. I wasn't
sure how much time I had before I should be back at the
convention center,
but more than an hour was probably too long. I only left ten
minutes before,
so I still had a decent amount of time to go. If I became more
uncomfortable, there was always the option of leaving early and
making up an
excuse.

Holden was too distracted in his own world, munching down on
wedges. Perhaps
he could tell that I was deep in thought also. I picked up a
wedge
subconsciously myself and tried to think of what to say.

Holden, interrupting my thoughts, spoke. "So what have you
been up to? I
mean, besides the comics."

"Nothing much," I paused, wondering if I should tell him
about Hooper, but
decided against it. "Mostly thinking, apart from the comics.
I made one
after you left but only copied it once and kept it for myself. I
was trying
to come up with new ideas."

A big grin formed on Holden's face before he asked, "Oh yeah?
And what was
it about?"

"Nothing like your 'Chasing Amy'," I told him, "you
wouldn't like it."

"Nothing like it, as in, it doesn't have anything to do with
Alyssa, or
nothing like it as in, it doesn't portray her in the same
light."

I blushed. There wasn't much I could say to that. It was about
Alyssa, in a
way, at least. His latter assumption would've been the correct
option of the
two. Ignoring an answer, I bit into my burger.

"She's not all bad, Banky. She wasn't trying to steal me away
from you."

Swallowing my food, I responded. "You're only saying that
because you were
in love with her. Probably still are."

"A year can make a lot of difference," - he commented.

"Not when it's true love," - I spat out before realising
what I'd said.

I shut my mouth, embarrassed by what I'd said. It could've given
me away -
the fact that I am still in love with him. Even if my cover
wasn't blown, I
removed my foot from his seat and placed it on the ground.
Looking away, I
tried to grab a few wedges off my plate, succeeding only by
dropping two or
three in the mean time.

I looked out of the corner of my eye at him and he showed a
confused
expression. Shaking it off, he changed to a thought-endued
expression as if
he was trying to come up with something to say next. I'd thought
that maybe
that's what he'd been trying to beat out of me - wanting to find
out how I
felt about him, if it was the same as the night of his proposal.
But with
the confused expression he'd shown, I thought maybe he didn't
know after
all.

"What's that supposed to mean?" is what he finally came
up with.

I took another couple of bites out of my burger. I really didn't
want to
finish that conversation, and I'm sure he could see that, but he
persisted
anyway.

"Are you saying that you thought Alyssa and I shared true
love?"

A disgusted look overcame me and he realised he was wrong. Before
I managed
to stuff down some more wedges, I commented.

"I never, ever, thought you were in love with Alyssa, let
alone shared true
love."

"Are you saying I'm in love with someone else then, and just
didn't see it?"

I raised an eyebrow. Was he hinting at what I thought he was
hinting at? It
seemed to me like he was suggesting that I thought that he was in
love with
me.

"By all means, that's not what I was saying. Can we just drop
it?"

Holden nodded and I stuffed down some more wedges. He could
probably tell
that I was beginning to feel rather anxious. We didn't speak
again until I'd
finished my food. By then, he still had a couple of wedges and
half a burger
left. I only spoke to ask him if he wanted a drink. He nodded and
said he
wanted a coffee.

I went up and ordered the coffee for him and took a sprite out of
the fridge
for myself. After making the purchases, I took the coffee back to
Holden and
told him I was going back to the convention center. If he still
wants to
talk, he has my number, I haven't moved. I didn't, however, tell
him that
I'd most likely be with Hooper if I wasn't home.

snow dome (10/Jan/2002)