TITLE: Fear and Happiness
AUTHOR: snow dome
EMAIL: shinysnowdome@yahoo.com.au
WEB ADDY: www.geocities.com/shinysnowdome
FANDOM: Chasing Amy
PAIRING: Hooper/Banky implied
RATING: PG
STATUS: New, Complete
CATEGORY: Angst
SERIES: third in the To the Faithful Departed Series
ARCHIVAL: yeps to list archives, yeps to my site, anyone else,
let me know
if you want to archive it
WARNINGS: m/m inclination. Spoilers if you haven't seen Chasing
Amy and want
to. I recommend watching the film before reading this fic to
enjoy it in a
'fan' sense.
FEEDBACK: any feedback welcome, constructive criticism much
appreciated
SUMMARY: Banky and Hooper talk at the comic convention.
DISCLAIMER: I have no association or affiliation with Kevin Smith
or anyone
involved with the askewniverse.
CREDITS: thank you Joanne, my beta for this fic
NOTES: Deliberate use of American spellings due to the fact it is
an
American's first-person p.o.v. Set at the end of the film Chasing
Amy.

================================================================================
Fear and Happiness
+++++++++++++

People seemed to be loitering around my space by the time I got
back to the
convention. One of my fans seemed to be really excited when I'd
returned. I
was a bit disappointed when he dropped a Bluntman and Chronic
comic on my
desk. Looking up at him, I realised who it was. Not that I knew
his name or
anything, I just recognised him as the guy who picked a fight
with me at the
convention the year before.

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

His response was something I didn't expect, however. There I was,
thinking
he'd gained a little respect for me and all he was there for was
to come
back to insult me again.

"Can you sign it 'your fearful tracer'?"

I could feel my face get hot. I was about to explode, and I
didn't have
Holden there to break up the emerging fight this time. Instead I
had to be
saved by a gay man. Hooper came to my rescue. He started
screaming all these
inane ramblings and throwing his gun around like there was no
tomorrow. Of
course it worked - the idiot was a racist and afraid of black men
now,
wasn't he?

"Nearly finished up there?" he asked.

I looked around to see if anyone else was heading my way. I
didn't see
anyone.

"Probably, but I'm going to stick around for a little longer,
anyway. You're
welcome to join me."

By this time, Hooper was sitting on the top of my desk. He
swirled himself
around to set himself down on the chair beside me.

"Get many fans?" he asked me.

"Well, it depends what you want to compare it to. If you say
there were more
than last year that actually respect my work as an artist, then
yes.
However, I didn't get nearly as much as if Holden was here and we
were
signing those books together."

"But Holden was here earlier," he stated. "I saw him
by Alyssa's desk."

So I was right, he had come to see Alyssa. I knew he never
would've come
just to see me.

I think Hooper recognised the sadness on my face as he said,
"You still miss him, don't you?"

"We had lunch together," I told him, "though it
didn't last too long. I'm
afraid."

"Of what?"

"I don't know."

Hooper stood up and put his gun down his pants.

"Come with me now or I'll shoot," he mocked.

With his other hand out to me, I wasn't about to refuse. I took
his hand and
he pulled me up.

"I'm going to take you out tonight, and I'm going to help you
forget about
Holden."

I knew it wasn't going to do any good. He's been trying to make
me forget
about Holden for the past six months. But of course I went with
him.

"First things first, my libido monster, we're going to go
back to your place
and get you dressed in some decent clothes."

Of course I had them now, thanks to Hoop. He'd taken me on a
shopping spree
after I made my first small profit from my comic's release.
Designer gay
labels. I only wore the suits when Hoop and I went out to various
places. I
never would wear them out in public if he wasn't there. He was
good like
that - could make me do just about anything, all with one little
mention of
Holden. I still don't know how he managed that.

By the time we got upstairs, outside the apartment, Hooper had me
in fits of
laughter. I didn't even notice Holden sitting outside until he
stood up,
right in front of the door as I went to unlock it. My laughter
faded, and I
nearly felt petrified. I shouldn't have, but I did.

"I thought you still had a key," I said to Holden.

"Didn't want to feel like I was breaking in," he
responded, "plus, I left it
at home."

I turned around and looked at Hooper. He was looking more nervous
than I
felt. Lost for words, I think. I handed Holden the key so he
could open the
door for me, seeing that he was closer.

With Holden's back turned, I let my hand touch Hoop's ass and I
whispered in
his ear, "I won't be too long, how about you go and get ready
and then come
back to pick me up?"

Hoop nodded just before Holden turned back around, having
succeeded at
opening the door.

"I was just dropping him off," Hoop told Holden. "No
need to get paranoid."

Holden shrugged as if to say it didn't bother him, and he walked
inside.

"I'll phone you before I leave, find out if Holden's still
here," Hoop told
me before leaving.

I let myself into the apartment now, closed the door. With Holden
in there,
it felt more like our territory again. Familiar territory, in a
sense. He
was sitting on the couch, in exactly the same spot as I had been
sitting
before he kissed me. I could feel myself growing uncomfortable
again.

"Why are you here?" I asked, walking towards him but
avoiding eye contact.

"I told you," he said in response.

He looked at me and I shook my head. "Well, if you did, I
don't remember."

"I miss you, Bank." I felt myself blushing, but I didn't
know what to do.

He stood up and raised his hand to my cheek. I tried to avert my
eyes but it
was useless. He raised his other hand to my other cheek, and
suddenly, as I
hadn't expected it, he kissed me again. This time, however, it
wasn't as
rushed as the last's- just showing that he'd be up for it. No.
This time,
there was more emotion involved. He had evolved more as a person
since the
last time we had done this. But something inside of me forced me
not to kiss
him back. I didn't know if it was because I didn't want to feel
betrayed
again, or if it was something else.

snow dome (10/1/2002)