Title: Chores
Author: Charles (jcrewguy@gmail.com)
Fandom: Askewniverse
Pairing: Randal/Dante
Rating: R
Summary: Randal hates vaccuming.
Disclaimer: Randal and Dante aren't mine. All hail Smith.

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Randal leaned against the counter and declared, "I hate vaccuming."

Dante looked up from the clipboard he was studying. "You hate what?"

"Vaccuming."

Dante put his pen down and frowned at Randal. "How can you hate vaccuming? You don't do it at 
home. And at the video store, you have to do it *once* a month." Their boss had tried to get 
Randal to do it more often when there was a failed experiment involving the snack counter in the 
store.

"I hate it because vaccuming is a noisy, obnoxious, backbreaking experience."

Dante was incredulous. "You have to vaccum maybe ten square feet a month! If that!"

Randal shrugged. "Have you seen the machine I'm forced to use?"

"Of course I have," Dante snorted. "I used it when I covered for you. It's state of the art." He 
picked up his pen and returned his attention to the clipboard. "At least you don't have to mop," 
he muttered.

"Oh. What's so bad about mopping?"

Dante raised his head. "*I* have to do it every other day, sometimes more often if another kid 
spills a bottle of Mooby Juice. I always get my clothes wet, the mop is fucking heavy, and 
there's invariably some asshole who doesn't see the "Caution: Wet Floor" signs I put out, slips 
and demands I give him his coffee for free."

"Mooby Juice," Randal pondered. "I've gotta wonder why that never caught on as a euphemism for 
semen."

Dante dropped his pen and stared at Randal.

"You've gotta admit, they have a similar color and texture."

"I'm so glad you've done some in-depth analysis on the similarites between semen and a 
children's beverage." There was a silence as Dante resumed his work with the clipboard before he 
spoke again. "What, you're not going to say anything about the taste?"

Randal looked offended. "What sort of person do you take me for? I would never taste my own 
semen." He pushed off from the counter and headed for the exit. Randal paused by the door. 
"Someone else's on the other hand..."