Title: Caged

Author: ZerosAshes

Pairing: Silent Bob n' Jay

Rating: NC-17 (we got sex, how 'bout you?)

Archive: Just ask, I'd like to know where it goes, too.

Disclaimer: "You are the one who are the assholes!" -Kevin Smith on Fanfiction

Summary: Confusing feelings, uncertainty and love, plus identity crisis's abound.

Warnings: This has sex plus a little angst, weirdness and fluffy smut, cursing and the usual.

Note: I was going for a smutty PWP and that was about shit down the toilet, but it still works. I wrote this a LOOONG time ago, and lovely ren was my beta, but my computer crashed and blah blah BLAH and basically I forgot about this story. I just found it on a disk. So it here it is. o.o Not exactly fresh or new, but it's here.

It was happening again, it was happening again and he felt like he could scream, he could scream
loud and long with frustration and confusion and let it all out, for once, just loose it. Feel
it all leave him with that one sound, threatening to throw him off but fixing him in the process.
Release.

But he didn't.

He held it in and closed his eyes, the only thing from his lips a trembling breath, and his
muscles tensed. Why? Why again? It didn't seem right, this... this whatever it was. He should
stop it and figure out what the hell was going on but he couldn't, he was silent. Quiet. Lost.

Warm lips brushed the pulse point under Bob's ear, Jay's tongue and lips pressing against him,
sucking lightly and licking and kissing. Sitting in Bob's lap, the blond's hands on his chest,
rubbing slowly at the muscles through his shirt, circling one up higher and the other lower.
Jay's lips lightly trailed along his chin, whispering and nipping, moving to his mouth, white
teeth latching onto the bottom lip, tugging, then sliding his tongue over it.

Those lips barely ghosted across his; touching lightly, slow and deliberate, tongue flicking out
only for a moment to run over his then escaping, trying to lure Silent Bob into his mouth, soft
and welcoming. God... The kiss was teasing, lingering, then slipped away, traveling down along
his neck just below the line of his beard; licking with just the tip of his tongue.

Jay's breath, hot and moist, brushed against his skin as he slid, body dropping and kneeling
between Bob's legs, quickly unbuttoning his jeans and jerking with insistent fingers until they
were around his thighs. Hazel eyes were locked on widened brown as pale fingers wrapped around
his hardening cock.

Bob pulled in air quickly, panting, chest hurting like he couldn't breathe enough. Oh God. There
was an invisible weight baring down on him, forcing the air out of his lungs, smothering him,
not allowing him to move or protest, only allowing for the breath to leave his lungs in quick
heavy gulps between each one of his groans, holding him captive like those mischievous olive
eyes.

He felt like he was bound and tied by his ankles and wrists- transparent ropes holding tight and
not giving even the slightest of slack- a burning rash from the tightness, unable to escape,
unable to even struggle. It held him yet he jerked and growled and hissed- but they came out all
wrong, rather quiet moans and whimpers. He couldn't lift a hand to stop it, he wasn't sure if he
wanted too, it was so good, this pleasure, this pain, this feeling..

Jay...

All these physical barriers his mind conjured up were only to block out the real reason for why
he just sat there... and let him. Even the idea of invisible ropes and some crashing unbeatable
force was more likely to him then laying there and fidgeting and whimpering at every touch those
hands gave him- much more believable then moaning in encouragement as warm breath bathed his
erection, and arching up as the lips finally touched him and burying his hands in that thick,
beautiful blond hair.

All of it was more likely then the impossible.

All Bob could feel was the thin body writhe against his own and those lips and he was helpless
to do anything but ride the storm Jay had brewed for him. Each touch that ghosted over him,
every caress Jay granted his body sent shivers through Bob's muscles, lit fire to his nerves and
curled them around the growing warmth in his belly; traveling to his erection and waiting in
pained agony for release.

There was no thought. Only feeling, feeling him, feeling him touching, licking, kissing... Bob's
mind screaming and his body crying; don't let this end, not now, not ever, don't let this end.
Time was like fog, faded and blurry; illegible.

He wanted it, needed, yet couldn't quite, and he didn't... This was too good, it hurt, it
pleased, it made him want to cry.. He wanted... Jay. Just Jay and this feeling, this feeling,
so strong and so intense and more than he could take but never enough and building and building
until he could scream; though he kept it inside as to not lose any intensity, to torture, to
keep it all locked up, like emotions, even though he wanted Jay and this feeling, forever and
ever.


Even though he didn't.

He moaned when he came, head laying back against the couch, one hand clenching Jay's hair and
the other covering his already tightly closed honey eyes; not wanting to see but needing it all
the same.

And a russle of cloth as Jay stood up, but he couldn't look, he couldn't watch as the other man
walked away. His fingers twitched, tensing into a fist as even his closed eyes didn't grant him
the luxury of not knowing; he could hear the foot steps, light and retreating, and the click of
Jay's door as it closed.

He didn't know what was going on anymore, his mind was fogged with thoughts that stalked him
into cold obsession. Those lips, those eyes, that face...Why? Why again? Why was this happening?
They came home, smoked, and Jay looked into his eyes then kissed him, then touched him and
slipped into his lap and would grind and twist and suck him off and leave.

Leave.

This was the third time now, and Bob felt tears well inside him. It wasn't right. The weed wasn't
enough to make Jay do something like that, but they wouldn't talk about it, and the first time
like all the others Bob had simply stared wide eyed and let it happen. He had no words. He was
thrown into silence until he felt like he could suffocate under it, like confusion was smoke
choking him, all around him with no way to escape it. His world was on fire and the ashes were
clouding his vision.

One more click and soft foot steps down the hall, the squeak of the door to the bathroom opening
and closing; locked, then the shower turned on. Damnit. Bob reached down and pulled up his pants,
zipping up and yanking down his shirt as he opened his eyes, staring across the room at the TV
that wasn't on and out the window seeing the same blackness as the screen, the cold darkness of
night. There was nothing to keep his thoughts from Jay. Everything was confusing, hard for him
to figure out and even harder trying to consider confronting Jay or not. He didn't know how that
would go, Jay got what he wanted and if he didn't want to talk about it he wouldn't. Period. He
didn't know what to do, or even if he should do something anymore...

Bob got up and walked into the kitchen, stopping in the middle of the room and staring at the
fridge, then glancing sideways at the cabinets and the old coffee pot. He wanted to eat something
but he wasn't hungry, and usually that didn't stop him but he felt weighed down and tired. His
feet gave out and he fell into a chair with a sigh and listened; he listened to the drum of water
through the walls and thought about Jay naked under the thin rivers.

No. Wrong.

Another sigh escaped him as he lowered his head into his hands, fingers sliding up under his cap
until it fell off onto the table. He didn't know what to do anymore. Emotions were confusing but
not nearly as confusing as the friend he'd been with for so long, a friend that brought so many
feelings out to play in Bob's mind, torturing him.

Sometimes he didn't understand Jay. He didn't understand what made him do the things he did, how
he was guarded and angry but sweet and soft at the same time. Contradicting and confusing, but
beautiful. Dating way back to harder times when they'd been underage runaways trying to find new
money and jobs and a place to stay every month. They'd left together for similar but different
reasons, him to get away from an abusive father and Jay from a crack whore mother, each looking
for a place to escape to, some place better than the one they had all those years ago.

Bob wished sometimes he'd known a little more about Jay before they'd left, about his mother,
and maybe that would give him clearer answers. It was hard for him to accept 'unexplainable,' he
liked to think and analyze and study too much to willingly throw away a problem as unsolvable.
Though, Jay had never been a problem. The blond interested him in that he was always different,
forever unpredictable, something to muse over and take care of; the best friend, or the only
friend, he had as far as he was concerned. All those years and they were all each other had, and
he wasn't about to throw it away.

But lately, this--

His ears perked up when the water suddenly fell off into silence and he heard the curtain being
shoved aside, a squeak like nails on chalkboard. He pulled in a long breath, body shaking out of
his thoughts before he climbed up from the chair on heavy, dragging feet. Reluctant but
determined, stopping his shuffle walk in front of the door so the first thing Jay would see was
him, so there was no way to escape or run or back up. He'd be trapped, finally locked in one
place and then he'd answer his questions, because Bob couldn't take this anymore. He was being
driven insane by the fleeting touch of his best friend who was supposed to be straight but
couldn't seem to keep his hands out of Bob's pants.

Waiting. It seemed to take forever but then the door opened and heat and steam flooded out of
the bathroom in swirls and spirals, bathing his face with moisture-heavy air and warming his
skin. Jay stopped when he saw him, eyebrow twitching, staring at him with his hand still resting
on the doorknob, wrapped in only a towel and wet, beautiful blond hair. There was a moment as
they looked at each other that panic took over Jay's eyes, and the hazel orbs jerked around as
if to find a way out and when they found none Bob watched him fidget, irritated, like a cougar
locked in a cage.

The instant Jay fell into that state of mind his mouth snapped open, "What the fuck, Lunchbox?
You tryin' to give me a fuckin' heart attack? Fuck, you ain't gotsa pull shit like this just so
ya can get a peak an' somethin' to spank to. What were ya doin'... listenin' to me an' shit?" He
sneered and walked forward, as if to muscle Bob out of the way but stopped short of touching him,
sulking back, ruining any tough affect he'd hoped for. "Youse gonna move, ain'tcha, fat ass?"

Bob had so many questions. So many things he could ask or demand or scream at the top of his
lungs; but he said none of them and looked into Jay's eyes, that feverish animal golden green,
so close. He said nothing and kissed him, warm lips and hot tongue, big hands resting on the
bare heated skin of Jay's lower back, curling their bodies forward, against each other. Anything
for contact with that lean frame that was wet and warm, entrancing his sight.

It was all so consuming and he couldn't figure out why. Whenever he looked at Jay now all he
could think about were those lips, the way they felt and how the blond head looked nestled
between his thighs. Imagining that made heat tingle his skin, some unknown feeling that wouldn't
leave him in the other man's presence.

Along with everything else fucking up his once simple life was the problem that Jay wore too
many clothes. It bothered him during the day, it seemed like Jay never let anyone see him, and
all the times they'd done things they never talked about Jay had never once asked for anything,
never once let him return the favor. It lured him and made him hungry, like he was missing out
on something, being denied something he wanted, as if the other man was hiding.

Maybe that's why he couldn't stop himself now, because even though this felt all wrong it felt
right seeing him with nothing on that beautiful skin. Open, smooth, god, he couldn't stop his
fingers, and his breath hitched as the towel slipped to the ground, getting rid of the last
thing that hindered Jay's body from his eyes. He didn't want any secrets yet he knew there were
millions between them, this being just one that they shared together and didn't understand why.

There were no more questions, anything he might've said left his mind in that instant and he
didn't care. Jay's fingers dug like claws into his shoulders and his lips pressed urgently
against his own and that's all he felt, all he could think about. His body was filled with
excitement, the idea of being able to touch Jay, really touch him, made his hands shake. He
wanted to, so much, and he didn't know why but right then it didn't matter. This is what
mattered.

The thin body curled back, enough space between them so his damp hands could pull up Bob's
shirt, slipping underneath and pushing closer, throwing him up against the wall and holding him
there. He was the one trapped now, and Jay's lips trailed down his neck, teeth tracing his
sensitive skin until he parted to rip the shirt up and over his head, dropping it to the floor
before coming against him again. Bob's breathing whispered faster, almost shallow as Jay's hands
roamed over his naked skin, up along his chest and over his shoulders, down his back, pulling
him closer. He was quickly taking over and Bob realized he didn't want that, so he grabbed Jay's
busy hands, holding them tight at the wrists and watched Jay's entire body stiffen, shoulders
tightening into stillness and he wouldn't look up. Just waited.

Afraid?

Bob sighed against the wet hair and pulled Jay down the hall, letting one wrist free and walked
into his room and fell unto the bed, bringing the other man down with him, not letting him run
away. This time, he'd get to do the touching, and Jay wasn't leaving because fuck if he was
going to let him.

He was sprawled above Bob now, moist and cool thighs resting on either side of his bare stomach,
tense, one wrist still held between them, with his hair in his face. Bob let go and only then
did the blond seem to breathe, peaking out between wet, curling strands, slightly darkened by
the water dipping off the tips. The drops, cold, fell unto his chest and for a moment in time
neither of them moved, they just looked, staring each other down, feeling nervousness take them
over. Maybe this wasn't a good idea...

But then Jay had a hold of him, kissing hard and growling somewhere deep in his throat, with his
fingers ripping open his jeans and slipping under his boxers, reaching inside at the same time
he japed his tongue between Bob's lips. Oh God. Here it was again, that over powering
unpredictable way of his, taking over and making him shut the fuck up just when he thought that
vulnerable, sweeter version was kicking in.

Jay had Bob's jeans down around his ankles in seconds and kissed a fast trail down his chest,
running thin fingers through dark curly hair and flicking his tongue out over his belly button.
Bob gulped in air, eyes wide. Too sudden. Holy shit. Slow down. He sat up and Jay jerked, eyes
snapping up to stare at him, breathing just as fast. Big hands rested on the blond's shoulders,
to hold him still if anything, and laid him back on the bed, sinking into the old mattress as
Bob's weight came against him. Jay's body was stiff again, nearly distrusting, but their lips
came together anyway and the uneasiness faded away.

Soft lips and a warm tongue, slipping along the top of his mouth and over his teeth. A real
kiss, not rushed or one-sided; real. Their first. Jay moaned, legs and arms wrapping around him,
his body warm with the last droplets of water drying away in the open air. The crafty fingers
moved up and tangled in Bob's dark hair as he slowly kissed his way down Jay's lips to his chin,
sharp jaw and pale neck to his chest, stopping to take a faintly pink nipple into his mouth,
lathering it with his tongue and scraping his teeth against it, sucking.

Everything slow and precise, paying attention to the other man's reactions, his moans... He
nipped at his rib cage and went no further despite the insistent hands pulling in his hair. He
turned his head into Jay's palm and licked it, nuzzling it as he ran his own hands down Jay's
stomach, stopping at Jay's hips and rubbing his thumbs in circles on the warm skin.

"Yeah.." That soft voice rolled over his body like liquid, warm and encouraging with his hands
massaging Bob's shoulders, arching up, just a little.

Bob watched Jay's face before shifting it to stray over the naked body before him. There were
still so many places he needed to explore, this being so new to him, having another man.
Somehow, too, it was beautiful, because it was Jay. The blond's body was perfect, similar but
yet so different from a woman and his own. His eyes flicked along Jay's legs, his legs he was
always watching, how they moved when he walked, twitched when he sat, jerked when he slept. They
were still now, with his hands resting on the pale thighs as if keeping them in one place, so he
wouldn't run away or escape. Jay was always running, always trying to go faster than he should.
Even now he wanted to take his time but Jay didn't seem willing to wait, urging him on, twitching
and inpatient.

Licking the palm of his hand Bob wrapped his fingers around the base of Jay's long erection,
hesitating for a brief moment before beginning with slow, lengthy strokes. Jay's back arched
with a sudden sharp breath and a low groan, and his skin looked so soft, each muscle a smooth
flow into the next, slender and beautiful. Sometimes Bob couldn't understand how people could
just walk by Jay, how could someone walk by him without noticing, without stopping to look and
wonder? He could spend all day and all night watching the blond, just looking and noticing every
beautiful detail about him.

When had Jay crawled up under his skin like this though? Bob couldn't pin point a time, couldn't
think of the moment where Jay laying on the bed like this was his biggest if not only fantasy.
Had he noticed? He must've or why the hell would Jay start falling into his lap and kissing him
then leaving without a word? That's what drove him crazy, the need to know *why*.... but he
didn't know. He just liked it, he liked it now and he wouldn't stop, he wanted Jay to like it.
The need to know drove him, like in kissing Jay he'd be given all the answers.

His hand squeezed lightly, listening to Jay moan, seeing his stomach muscles flex under taunt
skin, the feel of his cock sliding between his fingertips. He had to pay attention, catch every
movement and every groan, because he didn't know if he'd ever get to see it again. The thought
killed him, but it was true.. he didn't know what he was doing or why, but he couldn't stop and
he wanted it to last forever in his memory. He never wanted it to end. But then strong fingers,
unthinkably strong fingers stopped his hand, making him jump and digging hard into Bob's wrist
and holding it still; squeezing. Brown eyes looked up in question, searching Jay's face and
gasping at what he saw there.


"I want you." Three powerful irrelevant words in his sweet voice, more breathed than spoken, as
if they were as urgent as the need for air. There was a depth in his voice as he said them, a
thickness added somehow. His fingers loosened and pulled away. His back arched. "Fuck me."

Bob's eyes widened, pulling back, looking Jay in the face. The words shocked him.. He.. he
suddenly realized he was in this far too deep; he didn't know what to do. There was no way he
could do that. That wasn't why he'd done this, why would Jay want him? Bob closed his eyes. He
couldn't look at that face... that body. It was too tempting, a mock up of everything he'd ever
wanted. Needed. Loved. He could barely concentrate. It was Jay's fault, he hadn't been the one
who started it. He hadn't been the one that had gone too far. Denial? He didn't know. He did
want this.

"Just do it dumbass.. what's it matter..." Jay was biting his lip, hard, watching him, his voice
coming louder, more forceful, speaking with fear; uncertainty. "Come on, Lunchbox..." His green
eyes watched him, his chest rising and falling heavily, his fingers tightening on the sheets,
legs moving; pressing together and apart then stretching out, brushing against him. "It's
similar... Just.." He trailed off as he closed his eyes, not wanting to face it himself. A final
plea, this would be the only chance Bob would get. ".. fuck me."

Bob looked away, anywhere but at him, at what he wanted. He bit his lips and shook his head, so
many words coming up in his mind. Problems. Possibilities. Worries.

"Jesus Bob, who the fuck cares?" The blond whispered in frustration, sneering, having to protect
himself now, making sure to bring up his walls. Insults lined up just on the tip of his tongue,
because if this fell to the ground he'd be prepared; he didn't want to come out the one at fault.
"Just do it, fuck. I don't care if it hurts, it's not like it matters, fatty... what are youse,
the fuckin' bitch? Want me to fuck you?" He stared hard into Silent Bob's eyes, forcing him to
look at him, muscles tense, challenging him.


Bob struggled with himself momentarily, seeing only those hazel eyes... they captured him just
like everything else about him. The blond smelled of something raw and primal, the scent of him
overpowering, almost as if it was made for allure; animal... pure sex. It all worked against him,
pulling him further in and making him dizzy. Jay was so beautiful.

Closing his eyes Silent Bob laid against him, burying his face in Jay's shoulder, seeing nothing,
smelling only his animal scent and feeling only his warm, hard body. The blond's arms slipped
around him, holding him closer, fingers sliding down his spine teasingly, wantonly. Hot breath
washed over Bob's neck, tickling.. "Com'on..." His body arched beneath him, grinding, linking his
leg around him and pulling him impossibly closer.

Bob barely heard his own voice; as if it wasn't truly his at all. "All right.." It'd been
dragged out of him by Jay's spell, one he was sure the other man had by now. A spell that made
him sit and moan when the other man's lips wrapped around his dick, that made him let him walk
away, one that now made him bind to his will and his need. A spell that made him fall in love.


Jay pressed a bottle into his hand and had this sneer about him, a smirk that told Bob maybe he
knew about this spell he had over him, had known forever, and was just learning how to use it.
Then the leer slipped away and he stared at Bob with those entrancing eyes and he felt maybe
that wasn't the case after all, maybe Bob had always been the one with the pheromone love potion
set on dragging in the jumpy, loud mouth man he'd fallen for. Long ago.

He sighed and leaned into that mane of blond hair, breathing it in as his lotion-slick fingers
slipped between Jay's pale thighs, listening to Jay groan and feeling him jerk, body tensing at
the first invasion. So warm. No, hot, burning hot and tight around his fingertips, hard to push
in but giving way slowly and a moan whispered across his ear. Bob went slow, as slow as he could
and tried not to think about getting inside that heat and what it would feel like.

He didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to hurt him even as Jay's thin fingers dug into his
arms, insistent, and growled, "Fuckin' turtle all the time, fuck.. do it already." He could hear
Jay's teeth grinding together, inpatient as ever and he pushed up against him, burying thick
fingers in as deep as they would go and he hissed, "Fuck me."

Bob couldn't hide anymore, and he didn't know why he had been. He dipped a second more and
kissed Jay's pale neck through his hair, silky, caressing his lips. He leaned back and long
strong legs wrapped around him instantly, with a gruff voice and insistent fingers pulling at
him, dragging down his chest and jerking his body closer. "Yeah... fuck, com'on..." Bob kissed
those lips and slid his hands down Jay's back, lifting him off the bed and closer to him,
feeling his erection at the opening of that heat and they moaned down each other's throats as he
inched forward and pushed inside.

God. Yes.

Jay was tight and hotter than he'd felt on his fingers, closing in around him and wrapping him
up tight. Bob could scream, he could yell loud and long but he clamped down on his lips and only
whimpered, listening to Jay hiss and feeling him twist up under him, pushing closer, sending him
deeper. He couldn't move, he couldn't move because he felt like he might die from the feeling of
it. Of Jay. But the blond growled under him and bucked, claws on his back, demanding and pulling
him closer.


And the first movement was bliss. He pushed all the way in and god, it felt... so good. "Yeah.."
Jay's voice was a trembling moan, body arched upward, head back, and his breath hitching. Bob's
body shook, his eyes fixed on the way his friend's fingers beneath him clenched into fists on
the sheets, knuckles so pale.. a porcelain white.


Brown eyes closed, blocking out the surreality, and leaned forward until his chest pressed
against Jay's, his lips kissing the other man's neck as his body lifted, then a hard thrust
rocked them, made the bed squeak, made Jay hiss. Beautiful. Bliss. It felt so good, he couldn't
believe it, he couldn't stop himself, pushing forward, inside, than back out. Needing it. Oh God.
He was Jay's. He'd always been Jay's, and he'd always wanted him. He'd wanted him forever, he'd
just been too blind to see it. He didn't know if it was about love or lust. But it felt so
amazing.


Jay reached up, fingers trailing his back, sliding into the other man's hair and grabbing him by
the dark silky strands. A light pull brought Bob's head up, baring his arched neck, and he felt
lips against his throat, along his jaw and beard, speaking to him in a low whisper, voice moaned
and gasped in slow, steady pants influenced by the rock of their bodies. "Fuck, it's so good.. it'
s so good Bob.." He sounded strained, and he moaned, whimpering and falling back against the bed,
eyes closed, body arching, and legs flexing, and he felt it all around him. Everywhere.


Bob clenched his jaw tightly, craving for more at that sweet voice, pushing harder, sighing as
he let his lips return to the other man's collar bone, yearning for the taste. Such need. Here
and now, Jay's lips... his body.. how fast, how hard, the sweat. Pleasure. Buried inside that
pressure and heat, his hands sliding along the other man's slim chest, over his stomach, rubbing
as he locked unto those green, devilish eyes... loosing himself in them. With Jay pushing up
below him, his body and breath surrounding him, tense, all sex, begging, wanting more, nothing
but allure...


Jay wrapped his arms around Bob's shoulders, fingers trailing to pull him up, closer, for a kiss.
His lips brushed Silent Bob's lightly for a moment, almost seeming to tease him as he ran the
backs of his finger tips along Bob's cheek bone, capturing his mouth, growling against it,
moaning. "...I know youse is stronger then this Lunchbox.. show some muscle. Do it harder.."
There was a light pain as Jay's teeth nipped his bottom lip, latching unto it, sucking. Bob
reacted quickly, mouth pressing against the blond's, another long kiss. God he needed it. It was
all so.. unreal.


Bob looked down into Jay's clouded eyes, those pale fingers rubbing the back of his neck,
gliding, kissing, moaning, whispering.. "Faster..." Faster? His heart was pounding so fast
already, or was that Jay's.. he could barely tell the difference anymore. He kissed him deep,
hard, his hips snapping forward, grinding into him, pushing him, giving him what he wanted,
anything he wanted, abandoning any nervousness for simple feeling. Giving his will to Jay,
handing it over freely through the movements of their bodies, growling at the fingers that dug
into his shoulders, the long legs wrapped around him, the sounds Jay made..


His voice. Damnit.... yes, his voice. Bob wanted to hear it all, his moans and whispers were
almost as addicting as the arch of his back, the stretch of his stomach, his tense muscles and
the feel of his hands in his hair, on his back, pulling, touching, encouraging.. Making Bob move
faster, harshly, burying himself in that amazing feeling again and again.... it was the feel of
Jay, the sound of Jay that made it so... amazing.


He wanted to hear him. Encourage him without words because he knew right now of all times he
could say nothing, only act, bend to Jay' wants, his words, his body.. It was such an incredible
feeling, hot pressure, tightness...


Silent Bob's teeth skimmed across Jay's jaw delicately as his hands slid between their bodies,
every hard thrust making Jay cry out now, his body moving and moaning. Bob's hand crept along
the slim abdomen, his fingers wrapping around Jay's erection and sliding along it; more burning
heat between them.

The larger man snapped his teeth into Jay's neck softly as his hand rapidly stroked that long
cock, his fingers playing the blond like a violin, plucking at different strings to make the
most beautiful music, listening to his shrill groans and whimpers. Every movement had a
different sound, a different reaction. Jay held him, touched him, whispered to him, and laid
kisses everywhere he could reach, crying out with the now frantic pace of their love making...
The feel of that body was everything in the world to him, no one else was alive, nothing else
mattered. Only his voice, his body, around him, everywhere. It was everything. No holding back,
trembling, waiting, needing it more then anything in the world..

It was all his.

"Mine.." He whimpered, hands grabbing at Jay's hips, pulling him up and closer, lost in pleasure
as he fucked Jay withholding nothing, pulling and pushing at him, sliding deep inside him, then
drawing out, pushing back in fast, as fast as possible.. He was so warm that Bob felt like he
would loose his mind and burn to death, like it was all eating him up. Insane with everything
that was happening to him. To them both. It was just Jay's arms holding him up as he claimed
what was his, filled him, owned him..

Jay...

Shuddering, shaking, and he's almost there. The moan Bob kept between clenched teeth moved
through his entire tingling body as he came, a repressed sound of pure pleasure. He reached down
almost blindly and pulled the other man tightly against his chest, his lips pounding on his,
tasting sweat and Jay all in one, grasping him even closer, imprisoning the blond in his arms
as Bob's lungs desperately tried to gulp in air, mind a blur. He couldn't move.. the feeling
mingled in his stomach, that wonderful feeling he never wanted to let go off. All he could do
was lay on top of him, shaking. Any other movement was impossible, any other thought then...

Mine..

Their breath was quick, it took Silent Bob a second to calm himself.. to slow the thundering
beats of his heart. Jay was motionless beneath him, he only moved when he breathed; Bob could
feel the warmth of it moving his hair and spreading out across his forehead every time his chest
fell. He felt drained and half dead after such an experience, like his heart was stopping and he
wasn't quit breathing anymore in comparison to how fast it'd all been happening before.

Slowly he opened his hooded, content brown eyes and shifted his weight, looking down at the
other man. Jay's eyes were closed and his body was so relaxed he could've been sleeping, but
when Bob moved he whispered something, and for the first real time, as those hazel eyes opened,
Bob looked into his soul.

Beautiful.


He stared at the ceiling now, disbelieving, with Jay curled at his side, one arm flung over his
chest. It was warm, as if radiating heat that spread through Bob like fire in a furnace, like he
was burning and couldn't do anything about it. Like this one arm kept him in his place and
stopped him from running away after so long of trying to keep Jay in tow now he was the one held
down.

Jay was long asleep, it'd been hours of staring wide eyed at that grayed ceiling, trying to
force air into lungs that didn't want to accept the responsibility of breathing. He followed the
cracks and stains to the ceiling to make shapes, anything to pass the time, and anything to keep
his mind of what happened... What the hell had happened? The pleasure was past and he felt caged,
uncertain, fidgety, which was unlike him. He didn't know what to think of this. It solved nothing.
He was still confused, he didn't know if Jay just wanted to fuck him or if it was something more.


Was this love?

He doubted it, he doubted it because he doubted himself. That amazing experience and he had the
feeling it'd been for nothing; for nothing because he had no idea what was going on in Jay's
mind. Jay wasn't about love. He was about one night stands and quick fucks and hump and runs.
Nothing was going to change and that scared the shit out of Bob.

Jay wouldn't talk about the fucking blow jobs he'd suddenly started giving him, and now they'd
fucked clean and sober and it made it all the more serious, it wasn't something they couldn't
talk about now. This was something that shouldn't be left quiet between them, ignored and over
with and never done again. He didn't want it to be that way, the thought made him feel sick.

But he knew Jay, he knew that when he woke he'd either be mad and blame it all on him and call
him a faggot, or worse, say nothing at all and move on.

Jay was about words. Without them Bob was just as lost as he was, simply because he didn't speak
himself meant nothing. He needed someone next to him commenting on everything, explaining
everything because that's was what he was used to. But Jay was silent now and he knew when they
woke up Jay would be the same, he'd ignore what they'd shared together, and if that happened Bob
knew he couldn't take it, he'd scream, he'd loose it and scream.

But he couldn't do that, either. That wasn't who he was. He was locked in a box just like Jay
with those jerky green eyes looking for an escape. There was no way out of this one, he'd dug
himself in deep. God damnit. He was panicking but he couldn't slow his heart, visions of Jay
twisting around him and moaning kept flashing in his memory, making him tense. Wanting more.
He'd fucked his best friend and he was so worried it would ruin everything now. So long together,
would Jay leave? That was worse than silence, that was worse than ignoring. Or maybe it wasn't,
if Jay never wanted to again but stayed could he keep his hands off him? Out of that hair and
off that skin?

Fuck no. He knew he couldn't. He loved Jay and couldn't tell him and Jay probably didn't give a
shit anyway.

Bob tightly closed his eyes, willing the thoughts away and reached up, sliding that heat heavy
arm off his chest as carefully as possible. He didn't want to wake him but he couldn't stay in
here anymore, the thoughts wouldn't leave him with Jay right next to him, curled to his side and
breathing in his ear. Smothering. He had to get out, then he wouldn't have to see the look on
Jay's face in the morning. He didn't know what to expect, but he didn't want to be in swinging
distance, he knew he couldn't take being hit by the same hands that had loved him the night
before. He couldn't.

Bob slid out of bed in silence, slowly, watching Jay closely as he stood and sighed in relief
when the other man didn't move, still deep in sleep, lips parted with his blond hair in his face.
Bob turned his eyes away, fuck Jay for being beautiful and making him realize how much he wanted
him...

He pulled on some sweats and the sweatshirt he'd been wearing earlier, the fabric feeling cold
on his skin. He moved out quietly, not daring to go into Jay's room, so he laid on the old sofa
without a blanket and turned his face into the cushions. They reeked of smoke but he was at home
with that smell, and it reminded him of how Jay's clothes smelled all the time and he closed his
eyes. Don't think about that.

He was slapped awake by pale hands that lowered to clench at his shirt and shake him, hearing
booming sounds in his ears that were painfully familiar. His eyes opened to angry fire green
that killed him the second he saw them and all the memories came back to torture, dragging him
down into a dungeon which only technique was to keep his lover trapped in a place called 'best
friend.'

"You fuckin' bastard, I can't believe youse... fuck this!" The words couldn't penetrate his mind,
because all he could see were those livid hazels and it blocked everything else out. Here it
was, here was his love to rip his heart out from his chest, rip it out and squeeze it with pale
slender fingers until his world exploded. Everything he feared, and everything he waited for.

But the second slap snapped him out of it, forced him out of his protective place and threw in
his face true reality. This wouldn't end so quickly, because those loving hands weren't that
deadly but they hurt just as much. "Is that how it's gonna be, Lunchbox? You fag face bitch, I
fuckin' knew it.. " Jay threw him into the couch and jerked back, all twitches and legs, dressed
down to his shoes that weren't tied.

Bob stared at the old, tattered vans with the laces torn to shit because they meant something he
didn't want to accept. Covered in clothes again and guarded, he was going to leave. Brown eyes
glanced up, not knowing what to see but doing it none the less, he needed to work through this,
he wasn't going to let Jay walk out of here. He wasn't the one at fault, it was Jay who all along
had played with him, lured him than ran and came closer again. Always mocking him, just out of
reach then stepped in for a few touches only to escape back and hiss when he came near. He had
things he needed to know.

"What the fuck is you doin', Lunchbox? Huh?" Long blond hair, unbrushed and curling snapped to
the side with Jay's body, anger throwing him into motion. The kind where he was screaming but
wouldn't meet anyone's eyes for more than a moment, his gaze as erratic and jumpy as the rest of
him. Dancing. "Why would youse do that shit to me, I can't fuckin' take this!"

So many words, jumbled together, and he was desperately trying to find meaning in them. Hurt and
anger and frustration between them, and he didn't know how to fix it so they'd both come out on
top. He didn't know what Jay wanted, all he could think about was that he wanted Jay. Bob stepped
closer, wanting to calm those words, but Jay yanked back out of reach the second he saw him move,
"No, fuck, don't touch me, bitch. I don't need that. I's don't need you. You can go fuck
yourself, yeah.. all right?!"

Bob opened his mouth; to scream to yell to defend and accuse, but no sound as always and he could
only feel tears in his eyes, trying to bring Jay closer, trying to make him understand. Trying to
make *him* explain, tell it all and take away the confusion that was eating away at him and had
been since this whole thing started. One simple question, one word with a million meanings and
answers. "Why?"

"Why?! Why? Youse should be tellin' me bitch cuz' I don't fuckin' know! I dunno! I can't take
this shit, with you.. with youse an' fuckin.. you! You drive me fuckin' nuts an' youse left an'
you fuckin' ain't supposed to do that! It's not like I'm pullin' yer dog or nothin' FUCK. So
tellme why, all right, you fuckin' tell me why!" Jay stepped in to push him, both hands against
his chest then was pulling away again, out of reach and cold as ice. "Tell me!"

Bob stared at him, jaw slack and eyes clouded. What?... What? This was killing him, Jay was
unsolvable, this problem he couldn't take anymore.. He couldn't take it. Everything was fucking
wrong. He didn't know what he wanted, he couldn't tell him he didn't know what to say... He
needed answers, but left voiceless and unable to ask the questions, and Jay wouldn't stop
screaming to hear him anyway.


The pleas were dead on Jay's tongue and his arms dropped to his sides, defeated in silence and
watched Bob with a blank expression. "Well fuck you then... I'm leavin'. This shit ain't gonna
work.. I don't even fuckin' care anyway though.. fuck you."

Frustration. He was so frustrated, he felt worthless, like everything he did was wrong. Here was
Jay in front of him and he had so much to shout out and let free but couldn't and all he could
remember was Jay's expression when he came. He shook his head and croaked out his one word, the
only thing he could say, "Why?!"

"Why? Oh, you little bitch..." Jay stopped, shaking his head, entire body tense before he looked
up, captured again in those eyes. "I fuckin' love you, all right? Itz that motherfuckin' simple.
An' this is me man, I's don't love no body, I'm a fuckin' cold sonsabitch an' I could give a
shit less about none of that hearts an' bubbles bullshit-- everybody knows that about me! So
what the fuck will you say to that, Silent *fucking* Bob? I fuckin' love you and that's *why*!"

Such loud, screaming words that made his heart thump and ache and twist, then such extreme
silence hanging on his lips; waiting but not knowing with his mouth open but no sound. There was
no noise, no world, no nothing else, no thoughts, no words, and no mercy. It fell between them
with Jay's angry hazel eyes staring into his soul, challenging the seconds that passed.

That passed and passed too long, because Jay's body grew impatient and twitching and his eyes
snapped to the side, pain there, and he sneered, ".. fuck you then, Lunchbox. Fuck you." And he
turned away and Bob saw his chance walking away with that blond hair, fading and escaping; it
nearly choked him. What to say, what to scream. No. No don't leave. Please don't. I love you. I
mean it, I've always loved you. Fuck. Don't leave. I love you. I love you. I love you. Jay.
Choices, but no strength. So many ways to do it that the words pulled at his tongue, right there,
right there, ready for him to shriek out into the world and let it out, finally let it out, of
his soul and mind where they'd been captive longer than he'd ever known.

But he couldn't. He couldn't and it killed him, but he couldn't let Jay go away, he knew he
couldn't take the pain it caused just seeing him fading, leaving, with Bob standing there.
Letting it happen, forever the one to be stepped on, passed by and forgotten. He couldn't let it
end like that, he wouldn't speak but he wouldn't let them hide in lies anymore.

Bob ran after him, a quick jump forward, and latched onto a thin arm through a thick jacket and
spun him around. Brown eyes filled with emotion stared at the other man, his friend, his love,
his life.... looked into his face, pleading, begging, please see, please see. But Jay only
glared at him, sneer still in place and tried to pull away. Panic. No, please see. Please
understand. Bob yanked him close and pressed their lips together. Please see. Please see. I'm
sorry.

Jay jerked back, hand flying up, stopping a second before the slap but his voice went on for it,
stinging just the same. "Fuck you, Bob! That don't mean nothin', kiss me all you want that don't
mean youse love me, fat fucker, I've been kissin' and cooin' at bitches all my life an' I know
you have too-- don't lie this shit to me. Blows jobs are like handshakes for all I fuckin' care,
words is fucked for most too but for you they ain't. I know it an' you know it, so say it or go
the fuck away an' don't bother."

"I love you." There, three seconds. Three heart beats of blood flowing through his veins, three
ticks of the clock hand. Three moments suspended in time. Done. And Jay stared at him, and it
wasn't enough. It wasn't enough because now his mouth was open and he couldn't stop, it poured
out of him, making sure Jay would know, making sure Jay would stay. "I fucking love you. So much.
I love you. Jay-- fuck, I love you." Bob felt like he was tumbling, in and out of a world he
didn't understand anymore. So little time, a panic. Held in for so long, finally free. "I love
you. I love you." He reached out, his hands warm on a cool face, cupping a sharp jaw and looking
over those lips, those eyes, the lashes and nose-- so much to memorize. He wanted this forever.
"I love you."

Jay's face looked so blank-- shock lingering in the expression that was otherwise wiped clear of
emotion. His lips trembled, out of breath and out of ideas, for once speechless while Bob wasn't.
His hands twitched at his sides and all he could do was stare into Bob's intense brown eyes and
feel tears inside him. "Uh.."

"I love you. You wanted to hear it, I love you, Jay, I love you..." He whispered, wanting to
kiss him but wanting to wait. He couldn't grasp it all unless... "Do you believe me now?" Bob's
hands dropped from Jay's face to his shoulders, a slow movement, looking into his friend's face
and feeling anxiety twist in his gut. Nothing. Still nothing. Silence, God, he thought he might
die. Maybe.. maybe it still wasn't good enough. "Jay?" The name fell from a gapped mouth in a
gulp; nervousness lingering, unsure.


Jay's eyes flicked downward, then to the right, and for a moment Bob saw his lips quirk upward,
a glimpse back into his spell for just a second then it was gone and he looked up, gaze intense,
underlined with the devilish mischief Bob had come to adore. "Shut the fuck up, Bob." And he
leaned in, body shifting closer and closed his sweet lips over Bob's, soft, slow, and beautiful.

He'd said it now and finally he felt free, the doors to both their cages ripped off the hinges
and hung broken from the wires. Simple words that mended his soul and patched up the ripped
edges, something to become, something to behold, finally in three words his world was turned
around and upside down and back again but better than before. Now he had all he ever needed,
wanted, or loved.

~~End~~

It was happening again, it was happening again and he felt like he could scream, he could scream
loud and long with frustration and confusion and let it all out, for once, just loose it. Feel
it all leave him with that one sound, threatening to throw him off but fixing him in the process.
Release.

But he didn't.

He held it in and closed his eyes, the only thing from his lips a trembling breath, and his
muscles tensed. Why? Why again? It didn't seem right, this... this whatever it was. He should
stop it and figure out what the hell was going on but he couldn't, he was silent. Quiet. Lost.

Warm lips brushed the pulse point under Bob's ear, Jay's tongue and lips pressing against him,
sucking lightly and licking and kissing. Sitting in Bob's lap, the blond's hands on his chest,
rubbing slowly at the muscles through his shirt, circling one up higher and the other lower.
Jay's lips lightly trailed along his chin, whispering and nipping, moving to his mouth, white
teeth latching onto the bottom lip, tugging, then sliding his tongue over it.

Those lips barely ghosted across his; touching lightly, slow and deliberate, tongue flicking out
only for a moment to run over his then escaping, trying to lure Silent Bob into his mouth, soft
and welcoming. God... The kiss was teasing, lingering, then slipped away, traveling down along
his neck just below the line of his beard; licking with just the tip of his tongue.

Jay's breath, hot and moist, brushed against his skin as he slid, body dropping and kneeling
between Bob's legs, quickly unbuttoning his jeans and jerking with insistent fingers until they
were around his thighs. Hazel eyes were locked on widened brown as pale fingers wrapped around
his hardening cock.

Bob pulled in air quickly, panting, chest hurting like he couldn't breathe enough. Oh God. There
was an invisible weight baring down on him, forcing the air out of his lungs, smothering him,
not allowing him to move or protest, only allowing for the breath to leave his lungs in quick
heavy gulps between each one of his groans, holding him captive like those mischievous olive
eyes.

He felt like he was bound and tied by his ankles and wrists- transparent ropes holding tight and
not giving even the slightest of slack- a burning rash from the tightness, unable to escape,
unable to even struggle. It held him yet he jerked and growled and hissed- but they came out all
wrong, rather quiet moans and whimpers. He couldn't lift a hand to stop it, he wasn't sure if he
wanted too, it was so good, this pleasure, this pain, this feeling..

Jay...

All these physical barriers his mind conjured up were only to block out the real reason for why
he just sat there... and let him. Even the idea of invisible ropes and some crashing unbeatable
force was more likely to him then laying there and fidgeting and whimpering at every touch those
hands gave him- much more believable then moaning in encouragement as warm breath bathed his
erection, and arching up as the lips finally touched him and burying his hands in that thick,
beautiful blond hair.

All of it was more likely then the impossible.

All Bob could feel was the thin body writhe against his own and those lips and he was helpless
to do anything but ride the storm Jay had brewed for him. Each touch that ghosted over him,
every caress Jay granted his body sent shivers through Bob's muscles, lit fire to his nerves and
curled them around the growing warmth in his belly; traveling to his erection and waiting in
pained agony for release.

There was no thought. Only feeling, feeling him, feeling him touching, licking, kissing... Bob's
mind screaming and his body crying; don't let this end, not now, not ever, don't let this end.
Time was like fog, faded and blurry; illegible.

He wanted it, needed, yet couldn't quite, and he didn't... This was too good, it hurt, it
pleased, it made him want to cry.. He wanted... Jay. Just Jay and this feeling, this feeling,
so strong and so intense and more than he could take but never enough and building and building
until he could scream; though he kept it inside as to not lose any intensity, to torture, to
keep it all locked up, like emotions, even though he wanted Jay and this feeling, forever and
ever.


Even though he didn't.

He moaned when he came, head laying back against the couch, one hand clenching Jay's hair and
the other covering his already tightly closed honey eyes; not wanting to see but needing it all
the same.

And a russle of cloth as Jay stood up, but he couldn't look, he couldn't watch as the other man
walked away. His fingers twitched, tensing into a fist as even his closed eyes didn't grant him
the luxury of not knowing; he could hear the foot steps, light and retreating, and the click of
Jay's door as it closed.

He didn't know what was going on anymore, his mind was fogged with thoughts that stalked him
into cold obsession. Those lips, those eyes, that face...Why? Why again? Why was this happening?
They came home, smoked, and Jay looked into his eyes then kissed him, then touched him and
slipped into his lap and would grind and twist and suck him off and leave.

Leave.

This was the third time now, and Bob felt tears well inside him. It wasn't right. The weed wasn't
enough to make Jay do something like that, but they wouldn't talk about it, and the first time
like all the others Bob had simply stared wide eyed and let it happen. He had no words. He was
thrown into silence until he felt like he could suffocate under it, like confusion was smoke
choking him, all around him with no way to escape it. His world was on fire and the ashes were
clouding his vision.

One more click and soft foot steps down the hall, the squeak of the door to the bathroom opening
and closing; locked, then the shower turned on. Damnit. Bob reached down and pulled up his pants,
zipping up and yanking down his shirt as he opened his eyes, staring across the room at the TV
that wasn't on and out the window seeing the same blackness as the screen, the cold darkness of
night. There was nothing to keep his thoughts from Jay. Everything was confusing, hard for him
to figure out and even harder trying to consider confronting Jay or not. He didn't know how that
would go, Jay got what he wanted and if he didn't want to talk about it he wouldn't. Period. He
didn't know what to do, or even if he should do something anymore...

Bob got up and walked into the kitchen, stopping in the middle of the room and staring at the
fridge, then glancing sideways at the cabinets and the old coffee pot. He wanted to eat something
but he wasn't hungry, and usually that didn't stop him but he felt weighed down and tired. His
feet gave out and he fell into a chair with a sigh and listened; he listened to the drum of water
through the walls and thought about Jay naked under the thin rivers.

No. Wrong.

Another sigh escaped him as he lowered his head into his hands, fingers sliding up under his cap
until it fell off onto the table. He didn't know what to do anymore. Emotions were confusing but
not nearly as confusing as the friend he'd been with for so long, a friend that brought so many
feelings out to play in Bob's mind, torturing him.

Sometimes he didn't understand Jay. He didn't understand what made him do the things he did, how
he was guarded and angry but sweet and soft at the same time. Contradicting and confusing, but
beautiful. Dating way back to harder times when they'd been underage runaways trying to find new
money and jobs and a place to stay every month. They'd left together for similar but different
reasons, him to get away from an abusive father and Jay from a crack whore mother, each looking
for a place to escape to, some place better than the one they had all those years ago.

Bob wished sometimes he'd known a little more about Jay before they'd left, about his mother,
and maybe that would give him clearer answers. It was hard for him to accept 'unexplainable,' he
liked to think and analyze and study too much to willingly throw away a problem as unsolvable.
Though, Jay had never been a problem. The blond interested him in that he was always different,
forever unpredictable, something to muse over and take care of; the best friend, or the only
friend, he had as far as he was concerned. All those years and they were all each other had, and
he wasn't about to throw it away.

But lately, this--

His ears perked up when the water suddenly fell off into silence and he heard the curtain being
shoved aside, a squeak like nails on chalkboard. He pulled in a long breath, body shaking out of
his thoughts before he climbed up from the chair on heavy, dragging feet. Reluctant but
determined, stopping his shuffle walk in front of the door so the first thing Jay would see was
him, so there was no way to escape or run or back up. He'd be trapped, finally locked in one
place and then he'd answer his questions, because Bob couldn't take this anymore. He was being
driven insane by the fleeting touch of his best friend who was supposed to be straight but
couldn't seem to keep his hands out of Bob's pants.

Waiting. It seemed to take forever but then the door opened and heat and steam flooded out of
the bathroom in swirls and spirals, bathing his face with moisture-heavy air and warming his
skin. Jay stopped when he saw him, eyebrow twitching, staring at him with his hand still resting
on the doorknob, wrapped in only a towel and wet, beautiful blond hair. There was a moment as
they looked at each other that panic took over Jay's eyes, and the hazel orbs jerked around as
if to find a way out and when they found none Bob watched him fidget, irritated, like a cougar
locked in a cage.

The instant Jay fell into that state of mind his mouth snapped open, "What the fuck, Lunchbox?
You tryin' to give me a fuckin' heart attack? Fuck, you ain't gotsa pull shit like this just so
ya can get a peak an' somethin' to spank to. What were ya doin'... listenin' to me an' shit?" He
sneered and walked forward, as if to muscle Bob out of the way but stopped short of touching him,
sulking back, ruining any tough affect he'd hoped for. "Youse gonna move, ain'tcha, fat ass?"

Bob had so many questions. So many things he could ask or demand or scream at the top of his
lungs; but he said none of them and looked into Jay's eyes, that feverish animal golden green,
so close. He said nothing and kissed him, warm lips and hot tongue, big hands resting on the
bare heated skin of Jay's lower back, curling their bodies forward, against each other. Anything
for contact with that lean frame that was wet and warm, entrancing his sight.

It was all so consuming and he couldn't figure out why. Whenever he looked at Jay now all he
could think about were those lips, the way they felt and how the blond head looked nestled
between his thighs. Imagining that made heat tingle his skin, some unknown feeling that wouldn't
leave him in the other man's presence.

Along with everything else fucking up his once simple life was the problem that Jay wore too
many clothes. It bothered him during the day, it seemed like Jay never let anyone see him, and
all the times they'd done things they never talked about Jay had never once asked for anything,
never once let him return the favor. It lured him and made him hungry, like he was missing out
on something, being denied something he wanted, as if the other man was hiding.

Maybe that's why he couldn't stop himself now, because even though this felt all wrong it felt
right seeing him with nothing on that beautiful skin. Open, smooth, god, he couldn't stop his
fingers, and his breath hitched as the towel slipped to the ground, getting rid of the last
thing that hindered Jay's body from his eyes. He didn't want any secrets yet he knew there were
millions between them, this being just one that they shared together and didn't understand why.

There were no more questions, anything he might've said left his mind in that instant and he
didn't care. Jay's fingers dug like claws into his shoulders and his lips pressed urgently
against his own and that's all he felt, all he could think about. His body was filled with
excitement, the idea of being able to touch Jay, really touch him, made his hands shake. He
wanted to, so much, and he didn't know why but right then it didn't matter. This is what
mattered.

The thin body curled back, enough space between them so his damp hands could pull up Bob's
shirt, slipping underneath and pushing closer, throwing him up against the wall and holding him
there. He was the one trapped now, and Jay's lips trailed down his neck, teeth tracing his
sensitive skin until he parted to rip the shirt up and over his head, dropping it to the floor
before coming against him again. Bob's breathing whispered faster, almost shallow as Jay's hands
roamed over his naked skin, up along his chest and over his shoulders, down his back, pulling
him closer. He was quickly taking over and Bob realized he didn't want that, so he grabbed Jay's
busy hands, holding them tight at the wrists and watched Jay's entire body stiffen, shoulders
tightening into stillness and he wouldn't look up. Just waited.

Afraid?

Bob sighed against the wet hair and pulled Jay down the hall, letting one wrist free and walked
into his room and fell unto the bed, bringing the other man down with him, not letting him run
away. This time, he'd get to do the touching, and Jay wasn't leaving because fuck if he was
going to let him.

He was sprawled above Bob now, moist and cool thighs resting on either side of his bare stomach,
tense, one wrist still held between them, with his hair in his face. Bob let go and only then
did the blond seem to breathe, peaking out between wet, curling strands, slightly darkened by
the water dipping off the tips. The drops, cold, fell unto his chest and for a moment in time
neither of them moved, they just looked, staring each other down, feeling nervousness take them
over. Maybe this wasn't a good idea...

But then Jay had a hold of him, kissing hard and growling somewhere deep in his throat, with his
fingers ripping open his jeans and slipping under his boxers, reaching inside at the same time
he japed his tongue between Bob's lips. Oh God. Here it was again, that over powering
unpredictable way of his, taking over and making him shut the fuck up just when he thought that
vulnerable, sweeter version was kicking in.

Jay had Bob's jeans down around his ankles in seconds and kissed a fast trail down his chest,
running thin fingers through dark curly hair and flicking his tongue out over his belly button.
Bob gulped in air, eyes wide. Too sudden. Holy shit. Slow down. He sat up and Jay jerked, eyes
snapping up to stare at him, breathing just as fast. Big hands rested on the blond's shoulders,
to hold him still if anything, and laid him back on the bed, sinking into the old mattress as
Bob's weight came against him. Jay's body was stiff again, nearly distrusting, but their lips
came together anyway and the uneasiness faded away.

Soft lips and a warm tongue, slipping along the top of his mouth and over his teeth. A real
kiss, not rushed or one-sided; real. Their first. Jay moaned, legs and arms wrapping around him,
his body warm with the last droplets of water drying away in the open air. The crafty fingers
moved up and tangled in Bob's dark hair as he slowly kissed his way down Jay's lips to his chin,
sharp jaw and pale neck to his chest, stopping to take a faintly pink nipple into his mouth,
lathering it with his tongue and scraping his teeth against it, sucking.

Everything slow and precise, paying attention to the other man's reactions, his moans... He
nipped at his rib cage and went no further despite the insistent hands pulling in his hair. He
turned his head into Jay's palm and licked it, nuzzling it as he ran his own hands down Jay's
stomach, stopping at Jay's hips and rubbing his thumbs in circles on the warm skin.

"Yeah.." That soft voice rolled over his body like liquid, warm and encouraging with his hands
massaging Bob's shoulders, arching up, just a little.

Bob watched Jay's face before shifting it to stray over the naked body before him. There were
still so many places he needed to explore, this being so new to him, having another man.
Somehow, too, it was beautiful, because it was Jay. The blond's body was perfect, similar but
yet so different from a woman and his own. His eyes flicked along Jay's legs, his legs he was
always watching, how they moved when he walked, twitched when he sat, jerked when he slept. They
were still now, with his hands resting on the pale thighs as if keeping them in one place, so he
wouldn't run away or escape. Jay was always running, always trying to go faster than he should.
Even now he wanted to take his time but Jay didn't seem willing to wait, urging him on, twitching
and inpatient.

Licking the palm of his hand Bob wrapped his fingers around the base of Jay's long erection,
hesitating for a brief moment before beginning with slow, lengthy strokes. Jay's back arched
with a sudden sharp breath and a low groan, and his skin looked so soft, each muscle a smooth
flow into the next, slender and beautiful. Sometimes Bob couldn't understand how people could
just walk by Jay, how could someone walk by him without noticing, without stopping to look and
wonder? He could spend all day and all night watching the blond, just looking and noticing every
beautiful detail about him.

When had Jay crawled up under his skin like this though? Bob couldn't pin point a time, couldn't
think of the moment where Jay laying on the bed like this was his biggest if not only fantasy.
Had he noticed? He must've or why the hell would Jay start falling into his lap and kissing him
then leaving without a word? That's what drove him crazy, the need to know *why*.... but he
didn't know. He just liked it, he liked it now and he wouldn't stop, he wanted Jay to like it.
The need to know drove him, like in kissing Jay he'd be given all the answers.

His hand squeezed lightly, listening to Jay moan, seeing his stomach muscles flex under taunt
skin, the feel of his cock sliding between his fingertips. He had to pay attention, catch every
movement and every groan, because he didn't know if he'd ever get to see it again. The thought
killed him, but it was true.. he didn't know what he was doing or why, but he couldn't stop and
he wanted it to last forever in his memory. He never wanted it to end. But then strong fingers,
unthinkably strong fingers stopped his hand, making him jump and digging hard into Bob's wrist
and holding it still; squeezing. Brown eyes looked up in question, searching Jay's face and
gasping at what he saw there.


"I want you." Three powerful irrelevant words in his sweet voice, more breathed than spoken, as
if they were as urgent as the need for air. There was a depth in his voice as he said them, a
thickness added somehow. His fingers loosened and pulled away. His back arched. "Fuck me."

Bob's eyes widened, pulling back, looking Jay in the face. The words shocked him.. He.. he
suddenly realized he was in this far too deep; he didn't know what to do. There was no way he
could do that. That wasn't why he'd done this, why would Jay want him? Bob closed his eyes. He
couldn't look at that face... that body. It was too tempting, a mock up of everything he'd ever
wanted. Needed. Loved. He could barely concentrate. It was Jay's fault, he hadn't been the one
who started it. He hadn't been the one that had gone too far. Denial? He didn't know. He did
want this.

"Just do it dumbass.. what's it matter..." Jay was biting his lip, hard, watching him, his voice
coming louder, more forceful, speaking with fear; uncertainty. "Come on, Lunchbox..." His green
eyes watched him, his chest rising and falling heavily, his fingers tightening on the sheets,
legs moving; pressing together and apart then stretching out, brushing against him. "It's
similar... Just.." He trailed off as he closed his eyes, not wanting to face it himself. A final
plea, this would be the only chance Bob would get. ".. fuck me."

Bob looked away, anywhere but at him, at what he wanted. He bit his lips and shook his head, so
many words coming up in his mind. Problems. Possibilities. Worries.

"Jesus Bob, who the fuck cares?" The blond whispered in frustration, sneering, having to protect
himself now, making sure to bring up his walls. Insults lined up just on the tip of his tongue,
because if this fell to the ground he'd be prepared; he didn't want to come out the one at fault.
"Just do it, fuck. I don't care if it hurts, it's not like it matters, fatty... what are youse,
the fuckin' bitch? Want me to fuck you?" He stared hard into Silent Bob's eyes, forcing him to
look at him, muscles tense, challenging him.


Bob struggled with himself momentarily, seeing only those hazel eyes... they captured him just
like everything else about him. The blond smelled of something raw and primal, the scent of him
overpowering, almost as if it was made for allure; animal... pure sex. It all worked against him,
pulling him further in and making him dizzy. Jay was so beautiful.

Closing his eyes Silent Bob laid against him, burying his face in Jay's shoulder, seeing nothing,
smelling only his animal scent and feeling only his warm, hard body. The blond's arms slipped
around him, holding him closer, fingers sliding down his spine teasingly, wantonly. Hot breath
washed over Bob's neck, tickling.. "Com'on..." His body arched beneath him, grinding, linking his
leg around him and pulling him impossibly closer.

Bob barely heard his own voice; as if it wasn't truly his at all. "All right.." It'd been
dragged out of him by Jay's spell, one he was sure the other man had by now. A spell that made
him sit and moan when the other man's lips wrapped around his dick, that made him let him walk
away, one that now made him bind to his will and his need. A spell that made him fall in love.


Jay pressed a bottle into his hand and had this sneer about him, a smirk that told Bob maybe he
knew about this spell he had over him, had known forever, and was just learning how to use it.
Then the leer slipped away and he stared at Bob with those entrancing eyes and he felt maybe
that wasn't the case after all, maybe Bob had always been the one with the pheromone love potion
set on dragging in the jumpy, loud mouth man he'd fallen for. Long ago.

He sighed and leaned into that mane of blond hair, breathing it in as his lotion-slick fingers
slipped between Jay's pale thighs, listening to Jay groan and feeling him jerk, body tensing at
the first invasion. So warm. No, hot, burning hot and tight around his fingertips, hard to push
in but giving way slowly and a moan whispered across his ear. Bob went slow, as slow as he could
and tried not to think about getting inside that heat and what it would feel like.

He didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to hurt him even as Jay's thin fingers dug into his
arms, insistent, and growled, "Fuckin' turtle all the time, fuck.. do it already." He could hear
Jay's teeth grinding together, inpatient as ever and he pushed up against him, burying thick
fingers in as deep as they would go and he hissed, "Fuck me."

Bob couldn't hide anymore, and he didn't know why he had been. He dipped a second more and
kissed Jay's pale neck through his hair, silky, caressing his lips. He leaned back and long
strong legs wrapped around him instantly, with a gruff voice and insistent fingers pulling at
him, dragging down his chest and jerking his body closer. "Yeah... fuck, com'on..." Bob kissed
those lips and slid his hands down Jay's back, lifting him off the bed and closer to him,
feeling his erection at the opening of that heat and they moaned down each other's throats as he
inched forward and pushed inside.

God. Yes.

Jay was tight and hotter than he'd felt on his fingers, closing in around him and wrapping him
up tight. Bob could scream, he could yell loud and long but he clamped down on his lips and only
whimpered, listening to Jay hiss and feeling him twist up under him, pushing closer, sending him
deeper. He couldn't move, he couldn't move because he felt like he might die from the feeling of
it. Of Jay. But the blond growled under him and bucked, claws on his back, demanding and pulling
him closer.


And the first movement was bliss. He pushed all the way in and god, it felt... so good. "Yeah.."
Jay's voice was a trembling moan, body arched upward, head back, and his breath hitching. Bob's
body shook, his eyes fixed on the way his friend's fingers beneath him clenched into fists on
the sheets, knuckles so pale.. a porcelain white.


Brown eyes closed, blocking out the surreality, and leaned forward until his chest pressed
against Jay's, his lips kissing the other man's neck as his body lifted, then a hard thrust
rocked them, made the bed squeak, made Jay hiss. Beautiful. Bliss. It felt so good, he couldn't
believe it, he couldn't stop himself, pushing forward, inside, than back out. Needing it. Oh God.
He was Jay's. He'd always been Jay's, and he'd always wanted him. He'd wanted him forever, he'd
just been too blind to see it. He didn't know if it was about love or lust. But it felt so
amazing.


Jay reached up, fingers trailing his back, sliding into the other man's hair and grabbing him by
the dark silky strands. A light pull brought Bob's head up, baring his arched neck, and he felt
lips against his throat, along his jaw and beard, speaking to him in a low whisper, voice moaned
and gasped in slow, steady pants influenced by the rock of their bodies. "Fuck, it's so good.. it'
s so good Bob.." He sounded strained, and he moaned, whimpering and falling back against the bed,
eyes closed, body arching, and legs flexing, and he felt it all around him. Everywhere.


Bob clenched his jaw tightly, craving for more at that sweet voice, pushing harder, sighing as
he let his lips return to the other man's collar bone, yearning for the taste. Such need. Here
and now, Jay's lips... his body.. how fast, how hard, the sweat. Pleasure. Buried inside that
pressure and heat, his hands sliding along the other man's slim chest, over his stomach, rubbing
as he locked unto those green, devilish eyes... loosing himself in them. With Jay pushing up
below him, his body and breath surrounding him, tense, all sex, begging, wanting more, nothing
but allure...


Jay wrapped his arms around Bob's shoulders, fingers trailing to pull him up, closer, for a kiss.
His lips brushed Silent Bob's lightly for a moment, almost seeming to tease him as he ran the
backs of his finger tips along Bob's cheek bone, capturing his mouth, growling against it,
moaning. "...I know youse is stronger then this Lunchbox.. show some muscle. Do it harder.."
There was a light pain as Jay's teeth nipped his bottom lip, latching unto it, sucking. Bob
reacted quickly, mouth pressing against the blond's, another long kiss. God he needed it. It was
all so.. unreal.


Bob looked down into Jay's clouded eyes, those pale fingers rubbing the back of his neck,
gliding, kissing, moaning, whispering.. "Faster..." Faster? His heart was pounding so fast
already, or was that Jay's.. he could barely tell the difference anymore. He kissed him deep,
hard, his hips snapping forward, grinding into him, pushing him, giving him what he wanted,
anything he wanted, abandoning any nervousness for simple feeling. Giving his will to Jay,
handing it over freely through the movements of their bodies, growling at the fingers that dug
into his shoulders, the long legs wrapped around him, the sounds Jay made..


His voice. Damnit.... yes, his voice. Bob wanted to hear it all, his moans and whispers were
almost as addicting as the arch of his back, the stretch of his stomach, his tense muscles and
the feel of his hands in his hair, on his back, pulling, touching, encouraging.. Making Bob move
faster, harshly, burying himself in that amazing feeling again and again.... it was the feel of
Jay, the sound of Jay that made it so... amazing.


He wanted to hear him. Encourage him without words because he knew right now of all times he
could say nothing, only act, bend to Jay' wants, his words, his body.. It was such an incredible
feeling, hot pressure, tightness...


Silent Bob's teeth skimmed across Jay's jaw delicately as his hands slid between their bodies,
every hard thrust making Jay cry out now, his body moving and moaning. Bob's hand crept along
the slim abdomen, his fingers wrapping around Jay's erection and sliding along it; more burning
heat between them.

The larger man snapped his teeth into Jay's neck softly as his hand rapidly stroked that long
cock, his fingers playing the blond like a violin, plucking at different strings to make the
most beautiful music, listening to his shrill groans and whimpers. Every movement had a
different sound, a different reaction. Jay held him, touched him, whispered to him, and laid
kisses everywhere he could reach, crying out with the now frantic pace of their love making...
The feel of that body was everything in the world to him, no one else was alive, nothing else
mattered. Only his voice, his body, around him, everywhere. It was everything. No holding back,
trembling, waiting, needing it more then anything in the world..

It was all his.

"Mine.." He whimpered, hands grabbing at Jay's hips, pulling him up and closer, lost in pleasure
as he fucked Jay withholding nothing, pulling and pushing at him, sliding deep inside him, then
drawing out, pushing back in fast, as fast as possible.. He was so warm that Bob felt like he
would loose his mind and burn to death, like it was all eating him up. Insane with everything
that was happening to him. To them both. It was just Jay's arms holding him up as he claimed
what was his, filled him, owned him..

Jay...

Shuddering, shaking, and he's almost there. The moan Bob kept between clenched teeth moved
through his entire tingling body as he came, a repressed sound of pure pleasure. He reached down
almost blindly and pulled the other man tightly against his chest, his lips pounding on his,
tasting sweat and Jay all in one, grasping him even closer, imprisoning the blond in his arms
as Bob's lungs desperately tried to gulp in air, mind a blur. He couldn't move.. the feeling
mingled in his stomach, that wonderful feeling he never wanted to let go off. All he could do
was lay on top of him, shaking. Any other movement was impossible, any other thought then...

Mine..

Their breath was quick, it took Silent Bob a second to calm himself.. to slow the thundering
beats of his heart. Jay was motionless beneath him, he only moved when he breathed; Bob could
feel the warmth of it moving his hair and spreading out across his forehead every time his chest
fell. He felt drained and half dead after such an experience, like his heart was stopping and he
wasn't quit breathing anymore in comparison to how fast it'd all been happening before.

Slowly he opened his hooded, content brown eyes and shifted his weight, looking down at the
other man. Jay's eyes were closed and his body was so relaxed he could've been sleeping, but
when Bob moved he whispered something, and for the first real time, as those hazel eyes opened,
Bob looked into his soul.

Beautiful.


He stared at the ceiling now, disbelieving, with Jay curled at his side, one arm flung over his
chest. It was warm, as if radiating heat that spread through Bob like fire in a furnace, like he
was burning and couldn't do anything about it. Like this one arm kept him in his place and
stopped him from running away after so long of trying to keep Jay in tow now he was the one held
down.

Jay was long asleep, it'd been hours of staring wide eyed at that grayed ceiling, trying to
force air into lungs that didn't want to accept the responsibility of breathing. He followed the
cracks and stains to the ceiling to make shapes, anything to pass the time, and anything to keep
his mind of what happened... What the hell had happened? The pleasure was past and he felt caged,
uncertain, fidgety, which was unlike him. He didn't know what to think of this. It solved nothing.
He was still confused, he didn't know if Jay just wanted to fuck him or if it was something more.


Was this love?

He doubted it, he doubted it because he doubted himself. That amazing experience and he had the
feeling it'd been for nothing; for nothing because he had no idea what was going on in Jay's
mind. Jay wasn't about love. He was about one night stands and quick fucks and hump and runs.
Nothing was going to change and that scared the shit out of Bob.

Jay wouldn't talk about the fucking blow jobs he'd suddenly started giving him, and now they'd
fucked clean and sober and it made it all the more serious, it wasn't something they couldn't
talk about now. This was something that shouldn't be left quiet between them, ignored and over
with and never done again. He didn't want it to be that way, the thought made him feel sick.

But he knew Jay, he knew that when he woke he'd either be mad and blame it all on him and call
him a faggot, or worse, say nothing at all and move on.

Jay was about words. Without them Bob was just as lost as he was, simply because he didn't speak
himself meant nothing. He needed someone next to him commenting on everything, explaining
everything because that's was what he was used to. But Jay was silent now and he knew when they
woke up Jay would be the same, he'd ignore what they'd shared together, and if that happened Bob
knew he couldn't take it, he'd scream, he'd loose it and scream.

But he couldn't do that, either. That wasn't who he was. He was locked in a box just like Jay
with those jerky green eyes looking for an escape. There was no way out of this one, he'd dug
himself in deep. God damnit. He was panicking but he couldn't slow his heart, visions of Jay
twisting around him and moaning kept flashing in his memory, making him tense. Wanting more.
He'd fucked his best friend and he was so worried it would ruin everything now. So long together,
would Jay leave? That was worse than silence, that was worse than ignoring. Or maybe it wasn't,
if Jay never wanted to again but stayed could he keep his hands off him? Out of that hair and
off that skin?

Fuck no. He knew he couldn't. He loved Jay and couldn't tell him and Jay probably didn't give a
shit anyway.

Bob tightly closed his eyes, willing the thoughts away and reached up, sliding that heat heavy
arm off his chest as carefully as possible. He didn't want to wake him but he couldn't stay in
here anymore, the thoughts wouldn't leave him with Jay right next to him, curled to his side and
breathing in his ear. Smothering. He had to get out, then he wouldn't have to see the look on
Jay's face in the morning. He didn't know what to expect, but he didn't want to be in swinging
distance, he knew he couldn't take being hit by the same hands that had loved him the night
before. He couldn't.

Bob slid out of bed in silence, slowly, watching Jay closely as he stood and sighed in relief
when the other man didn't move, still deep in sleep, lips parted with his blond hair in his face.
Bob turned his eyes away, fuck Jay for being beautiful and making him realize how much he wanted
him...

He pulled on some sweats and the sweatshirt he'd been wearing earlier, the fabric feeling cold
on his skin. He moved out quietly, not daring to go into Jay's room, so he laid on the old sofa
without a blanket and turned his face into the cushions. They reeked of smoke but he was at home
with that smell, and it reminded him of how Jay's clothes smelled all the time and he closed his
eyes. Don't think about that.

He was slapped awake by pale hands that lowered to clench at his shirt and shake him, hearing
booming sounds in his ears that were painfully familiar. His eyes opened to angry fire green
that killed him the second he saw them and all the memories came back to torture, dragging him
down into a dungeon which only technique was to keep his lover trapped in a place called 'best
friend.'

"You fuckin' bastard, I can't believe youse... fuck this!" The words couldn't penetrate his mind,
because all he could see were those livid hazels and it blocked everything else out. Here it
was, here was his love to rip his heart out from his chest, rip it out and squeeze it with pale
slender fingers until his world exploded. Everything he feared, and everything he waited for.

But the second slap snapped him out of it, forced him out of his protective place and threw in
his face true reality. This wouldn't end so quickly, because those loving hands weren't that
deadly but they hurt just as much. "Is that how it's gonna be, Lunchbox? You fag face bitch, I
fuckin' knew it.. " Jay threw him into the couch and jerked back, all twitches and legs, dressed
down to his shoes that weren't tied.

Bob stared at the old, tattered vans with the laces torn to shit because they meant something he
didn't want to accept. Covered in clothes again and guarded, he was going to leave. Brown eyes
glanced up, not knowing what to see but doing it none the less, he needed to work through this,
he wasn't going to let Jay walk out of here. He wasn't the one at fault, it was Jay who all along
had played with him, lured him than ran and came closer again. Always mocking him, just out of
reach then stepped in for a few touches only to escape back and hiss when he came near. He had
things he needed to know.

"What the fuck is you doin', Lunchbox? Huh?" Long blond hair, unbrushed and curling snapped to
the side with Jay's body, anger throwing him into motion. The kind where he was screaming but
wouldn't meet anyone's eyes for more than a moment, his gaze as erratic and jumpy as the rest of
him. Dancing. "Why would youse do that shit to me, I can't fuckin' take this!"

So many words, jumbled together, and he was desperately trying to find meaning in them. Hurt and
anger and frustration between them, and he didn't know how to fix it so they'd both come out on
top. He didn't know what Jay wanted, all he could think about was that he wanted Jay. Bob stepped
closer, wanting to calm those words, but Jay yanked back out of reach the second he saw him move,
"No, fuck, don't touch me, bitch. I don't need that. I's don't need you. You can go fuck
yourself, yeah.. all right?!"

Bob opened his mouth; to scream to yell to defend and accuse, but no sound as always and he could
only feel tears in his eyes, trying to bring Jay closer, trying to make him understand. Trying to
make *him* explain, tell it all and take away the confusion that was eating away at him and had
been since this whole thing started. One simple question, one word with a million meanings and
answers. "Why?"

"Why?! Why? Youse should be tellin' me bitch cuz' I don't fuckin' know! I dunno! I can't take
this shit, with you.. with youse an' fuckin.. you! You drive me fuckin' nuts an' youse left an'
you fuckin' ain't supposed to do that! It's not like I'm pullin' yer dog or nothin' FUCK. So
tellme why, all right, you fuckin' tell me why!" Jay stepped in to push him, both hands against
his chest then was pulling away again, out of reach and cold as ice. "Tell me!"

Bob stared at him, jaw slack and eyes clouded. What?... What? This was killing him, Jay was
unsolvable, this problem he couldn't take anymore.. He couldn't take it. Everything was fucking
wrong. He didn't know what he wanted, he couldn't tell him he didn't know what to say... He
needed answers, but left voiceless and unable to ask the questions, and Jay wouldn't stop
screaming to hear him anyway.


The pleas were dead on Jay's tongue and his arms dropped to his sides, defeated in silence and
watched Bob with a blank expression. "Well fuck you then... I'm leavin'. This shit ain't gonna
work.. I don't even fuckin' care anyway though.. fuck you."

Frustration. He was so frustrated, he felt worthless, like everything he did was wrong. Here was
Jay in front of him and he had so much to shout out and let free but couldn't and all he could
remember was Jay's expression when he came. He shook his head and croaked out his one word, the
only thing he could say, "Why?!"

"Why? Oh, you little bitch..." Jay stopped, shaking his head, entire body tense before he looked
up, captured again in those eyes. "I fuckin' love you, all right? Itz that motherfuckin' simple.
An' this is me man, I's don't love no body, I'm a fuckin' cold sonsabitch an' I could give a
shit less about none of that hearts an' bubbles bullshit-- everybody knows that about me! So
what the fuck will you say to that, Silent *fucking* Bob? I fuckin' love you and that's *why*!"

Such loud, screaming words that made his heart thump and ache and twist, then such extreme
silence hanging on his lips; waiting but not knowing with his mouth open but no sound. There was
no noise, no world, no nothing else, no thoughts, no words, and no mercy. It fell between them
with Jay's angry hazel eyes staring into his soul, challenging the seconds that passed.

That passed and passed too long, because Jay's body grew impatient and twitching and his eyes
snapped to the side, pain there, and he sneered, ".. fuck you then, Lunchbox. Fuck you." And he
turned away and Bob saw his chance walking away with that blond hair, fading and escaping; it
nearly choked him. What to say, what to scream. No. No don't leave. Please don't. I love you. I
mean it, I've always loved you. Fuck. Don't leave. I love you. I love you. I love you. Jay.
Choices, but no strength. So many ways to do it that the words pulled at his tongue, right there,
right there, ready for him to shriek out into the world and let it out, finally let it out, of
his soul and mind where they'd been captive longer than he'd ever known.

But he couldn't. He couldn't and it killed him, but he couldn't let Jay go away, he knew he
couldn't take the pain it caused just seeing him fading, leaving, with Bob standing there.
Letting it happen, forever the one to be stepped on, passed by and forgotten. He couldn't let it
end like that, he wouldn't speak but he wouldn't let them hide in lies anymore.

Bob ran after him, a quick jump forward, and latched onto a thin arm through a thick jacket and
spun him around. Brown eyes filled with emotion stared at the other man, his friend, his love,
his life.... looked into his face, pleading, begging, please see, please see. But Jay only
glared at him, sneer still in place and tried to pull away. Panic. No, please see. Please
understand. Bob yanked him close and pressed their lips together. Please see. Please see. I'm
sorry.

Jay jerked back, hand flying up, stopping a second before the slap but his voice went on for it,
stinging just the same. "Fuck you, Bob! That don't mean nothin', kiss me all you want that don't
mean youse love me, fat fucker, I've been kissin' and cooin' at bitches all my life an' I know
you have too-- don't lie this shit to me. Blows jobs are like handshakes for all I fuckin' care,
words is fucked for most too but for you they ain't. I know it an' you know it, so say it or go
the fuck away an' don't bother."

"I love you." There, three seconds. Three heart beats of blood flowing through his veins, three
ticks of the clock hand. Three moments suspended in time. Done. And Jay stared at him, and it
wasn't enough. It wasn't enough because now his mouth was open and he couldn't stop, it poured
out of him, making sure Jay would know, making sure Jay would stay. "I fucking love you. So much.
I love you. Jay-- fuck, I love you." Bob felt like he was tumbling, in and out of a world he
didn't understand anymore. So little time, a panic. Held in for so long, finally free. "I love
you. I love you." He reached out, his hands warm on a cool face, cupping a sharp jaw and looking
over those lips, those eyes, the lashes and nose-- so much to memorize. He wanted this forever.
"I love you."

Jay's face looked so blank-- shock lingering in the expression that was otherwise wiped clear of
emotion. His lips trembled, out of breath and out of ideas, for once speechless while Bob wasn't.
His hands twitched at his sides and all he could do was stare into Bob's intense brown eyes and
feel tears inside him. "Uh.."

"I love you. You wanted to hear it, I love you, Jay, I love you..." He whispered, wanting to
kiss him but wanting to wait. He couldn't grasp it all unless... "Do you believe me now?" Bob's
hands dropped from Jay's face to his shoulders, a slow movement, looking into his friend's face
and feeling anxiety twist in his gut. Nothing. Still nothing. Silence, God, he thought he might
die. Maybe.. maybe it still wasn't good enough. "Jay?" The name fell from a gapped mouth in a
gulp; nervousness lingering, unsure.


Jay's eyes flicked downward, then to the right, and for a moment Bob saw his lips quirk upward,
a glimpse back into his spell for just a second then it was gone and he looked up, gaze intense,
underlined with the devilish mischief Bob had come to adore. "Shut the fuck up, Bob." And he
leaned in, body shifting closer and closed his sweet lips over Bob's, soft, slow, and beautiful.

He'd said it now and finally he felt free, the doors to both their cages ripped off the hinges
and hung broken from the wires. Simple words that mended his soul and patched up the ripped
edges, something to become, something to behold, finally in three words his world was turned
around and upside down and back again but better than before. Now he had all he ever needed,
wanted, or loved.

~~End~~